A Black Lady Sketch Show | 227: The Reboot (Full Sketch) | HBO

♪ There’s no place like home ♪♪ I mean no place, child ♪(AUDIENCE CHEERING) Mm. I can’t believe we owe
35 years of back taxes on this place
since we bought the building. Oh, is it that bad, Mary? I kept watching the bills
pile up, but I didn’t think
they were serious. -(SCOFFS)
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) Well, of course they’re serious,
Rose. Shoot, if I wanted to give
my money away with nothing to show for it, I’d just donate to Calvin’s fake
basketball team. -(LAUGHING)
-Calvin’s team not fake. -They just awful.
-(LAUGHING) Sorry, Pearl,
at least we have each other. -I shouldn’t even be complaining
-But, it’s what you do best. (LAUGHING) That’s why I never worked.
Not a day in my life. No job, no taxes. (LAUGHING) It’s my fault, Mary. But, if anyone can fix it,
it’s you. Yeah, I’ll figure it out.
I’ve seen uglier times before. Yeah, but what’s your face
got to do with your finances? (LAUGHING) (CHEERING) Morning, Pearl!
Morning, Rose. Mary. (CHEERING) Oh! Why the long face, baby? You just found out
Luther Vandross died? (LAUGHING) No. If you must know,
we could lose 227. We’re in deep tax trouble. Ooh. That happened to me once. I was dating
this shady accountant. He was a nerdy man, but he had a big ledger
if you know what I’m saying. Everyone knows what you’re
saying, Sandra. She’s talking
about his actual ledger, right? (LAUGHING) So anyway, we’re about to do
the nasty one day, right? And a couple of goons show up
to his house. And they’re like, “Pay us what you owe us,
Cletus.” And I’m like, “Don’t hurt me,
I’m an innocent bystander.” But obviously,
I wasn’t standing. (LAUGHING) Does this story have a point? ‘Cause I’d love to stab my eye
out with it. (LAUGHING) The point is, Cletus just sold
his kidney and got those guys off his back.
And you’ll be okay too, Mary. -Thank you.
-You’re welcome. Now, somebody call me a Lyft. I’ve had too many
backseat hook-ups, and I have a bad rating. Oh! -(LAUGHING)
-(CHEERING) -Excuse me.
-Oh, Lester! I need to talk to you. Not now Mary, I’m late for work. -No, it’s important.
-What is it, baby? I need money.
Well, we need money. Lots of it. That’s it, reel him in
real slow-like. Mary, I don’t have time
for this. Lester Jenkins! I’m tired of you
blowing me off. We barely speak anymore.
Now, I really need to talk to you and you’re not going
to ignore me one more minute! -CROWD:Ooh!
-I can’t do this. Mary, there is something
you need to know. I’m leaving you for Sandra. -What?!
-What? -Ooh! Calvin! Come see this!
-(LAUGHING) I’m sorry, Mary. Sorry, Mary. -(LAUGHING)
-What is happening? This! -(CROWD GROANS)
-(SCREAMING) (YELPS) Ah! Oh, thank God,
it was only a dream. Mary! Mary, wake up! You won’t believe the nightmare
I just had. (BOTH SCREAMING) (YELLING) Oh! Jesus Lord! Ooh!
It’s just a dream. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson,
(PANTING HEAVILY) Oh, thank goodness.
It was a dream. Well, I guess I best
stop drinking before bed.♪ I mean no place, child ♪


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