A Black Lady Sketch Show: Bad Bitch Support Group (Full Sketch) | HBO

SYDNEY : Every morning,
I wake up one hour early to put on my fancy highlighter
before my man wakes up. I’m exhausted. But I can’t let bae see me
with my bare face, you know? I’ve never been bare faced
in front of a man. I’m afraid all the athletes
I date wouldn’t know what to do with a woman who takes
her cheekbones off every night. MO: Consider this. Hmm? Do they even appreciate that you put them on
in the first place? Moreover, is a partner who doesn’t
appreciate the cheek work deserving of the cheek twerk? -(ALL EXCLAIM)
-TINA: Never thought about that. Sydney, just sleepy. Your face got this. The baddest I feel is when my man worships
at the temple of my natural flat face. I wish I could have
a flat face all the time. -(ALL GASP)
-Girl, what? Tina. Let Mya finish. Now, what’s going on under
that lace front of yours? (SIGHS) Well, sometimes I wish I was… not a bad bitch all the time. Like, sometimes I wish
I was just… a okay bitch. (ALL GASP) We don’t use that type
of language up in here, bitch. MYA:
It’s just a lot of pressure! Like, I wanna wear
normal house slippers. Not three-inch-heel house shoes. Ayy, stop whining. Listen, being a bad bitch
is an honor. We didn’t choose this life. This life chose us. Sometimes I just wanna
sit down for five minutes without wearing a waist trainer! Oh, this ho tryin’
to take deep breaths? Yes! Breathe when you die,
honey, okay? Bitches, please. (SOBS) Now, Mya, can you tell us where this incredibly
fucked up feeling is coming from? Well, I saw this lady
walking down the street without lashes on. And she didn’t seem burdened by the pressures of having
bald eyes! She seemed fine
being a okay bitch! How you know
she was a okay bitch? She could’ve been a bad bitch
with alopecia. Ooh, I’ve seen those. -SYDNEY: That’s what it was.
-MYA: No. She was an okay bitch. I could tell by her wedges. Oh, well, there’s nothing wrong -with being an okay bitch…
-ALL: What?! Oh.
This bitch done lost her mind. …as long as you’re not
a basic bitch. Okay, she found it. Oh. I just don’t know
how I’m supposed to feel safe in the presence
of a aspiring okay bitch. Her attendance here
undermines the whole notion of the bad bitch support group. I’m not going nowhere.
This is a support group, y’all supposed to be here
to support me, and I don’t feel supported
right now. WOMAN 1: What is happening
with subject four? WOMAN 2: She seems to have
built up an immunity to the Foxycodone. (WOMAN 1 GRUNTS) Double her dosage. If women start rejecting
impossible beauty standards, we’ll go out of business. WOMAN 2:
But ma’am, it isn’t safe. She’s already
at All Star weekend level. (YELLS) I said double it! (GASPS) What was that? What is that? -(ALL MUMBLING)
-♪ (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) ♪ Is everything okay in there? -(BUTTON CLICKS)
-WOMAN 1: Yes. Keep going. Must be some kickball bitches
next door. (CHUCKLES) (ALL LAUGH) ♪ (OMINOUS MUSIC BUILDS) ♪ Oh, they must have
on flat shoes.

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