A Black Lady Sketch Show | Chris and Lachel: Altar Falter (Full Sketch) | HBO
♪ (MUSIC PLAYS) ♪ Do you Chris, take Lashelle,
to be your lawfully wedded wife? Do I? (CHUCKLES) (LAUGHTER) Okay, very cute. The answer, son, is, “I do.” Psh. Fo sho, look at her. Mm. Fine ass. Sorry, you need
to say the phrase, “I do.” Just to make it legal. Oh, I got you, ask me again. Do you, Chris, take Lashelle,
to be your lawfully wedded wife? -Don’t I?
-Not quite. I don’t. Ha!
Just kidding, of course I can. Babe, come on. Just say, “I do.” Y’all don’t gotta rush a nigga. Look, we only have this place
for 45 minutes, then they’re having a hair show. CHRIS: Okay. Look. Babe, we’re almost there. Okay?
You love me, right? Yeah, I got love for you, babe. Okay, then just say, “I do.” Aight. I… (BEATBOXING) -Bam, we good.
-Bam, we ain’t. Chris, it’s not hard
to say. I mean, it goes without saying. It very much does not. Alright, hold on. (CLEARS THROAT) Y’all hot? Is it hot?
No? Yeah, it’s just me? Chris, quit playing
and just say it, goddammit. -It, goddammit.
-(BOOING) Why y’all booing? Settle down, settle down!
I’ll handle this. Now young man,
you got this. We’re just gonna slow it down. -Do…
-Uh-huh. -…you Chris…
-Me, Chris. -…take Lashelle…
-I know her. -…to be…
-She cool. -…your lawfully…
-Say it now. -…wedded… wife?
-That’s a funny word. (STAMMERS) I mean, I fucks with her! (GASPS) Hard though, heavy.
I fucks with you. Baby, I fucks with you! PASTOR: Son, son.
If you don’t say, “I do,” you’re gonna lose
your beautiful wife. Now do you want
to tap that ass tonight, or not? I do! -(CHEERY GASPS)
-(APPLAUSE) I do, c’mon, get back. You know I was playing
’cause I be playing like that. Just trying to keep you
in suspense. Thank you, pastor. Oh, you need to thank Jesus, ’cause that was nothing short
of a miracle. Now, do you Lashelle,
take Chris, to be your
lawfully wedded husband? I do. PASTOR: Oh, that’s great. To have and to hold? Wait a minute. What’s the difference
between having and holding? From this day forward? Like, this day, or the day
forward like tomorrow? Because it’s already tomorrow
in Japan, if you think about it. PASTOR: For better
or for worse? Tch, I mean,
does anyone pick worse? In– For richer or for poor? Again, who are these people
picking poorer? In sickness or in health? Uh, how sick?
How’d he get sick? Is his throat itchin’? ‘Cause then I’m trying
to understand why this negro’s throat
is itchin’. (GASPS)
You two, you deserve each other. Just be man and wife,
you are pronounced. -You heard that, baby?
-BOTH: We’re pronounced. -We did it, girl.
-We married. -Bam.
-Yeah. -This is black love right here.
-(APPLAUSE) LASHELLE: Thank you, thank you. Bye. Oh, shit.
“Hair” goes the bride!