A Black Lady Sketch Show | On My Own (Full Sketch) | HBO


DENISE: I can’t believe this. You didn’t know about
fabric softener before me. Your fabrics was mad hard. I like a stiff jean. You see,
we’re not compatible. No, no, no,
my parents have been married for 40 years
and they’re not compatible. Listen,
I just feel– Ew, I don’t want to hear
about your feelings. Gross! I just need to move on. No, no, no, okay,
please, please don’t do this. Please don’t break up with me
because if you break up with me, -it’s gonna happen again–
-Denise, it’s over. ♪ (“ON MY OWN”
BY PATTI LABELLE PLAYS) ♪ (SINGING)
♪ So many times ♪
-♪ Said it was forever ♪
-BOYFRIEND: Oh, my God. Patti LaBelle is in your house. I know.♪ Said our love… ♪Every time I get dumped, here comes Patti LaBelle
with all her octaves.♪ Something in my heart
Always knew ♪
♪ I’d be lying here beside you ♪♪ On my own ♪Ooh, “New Attitude”
is my leg day song. You are a legend, Patti! An annoying legend. Patti, get out. Hey, don’t you talk to Ms. Patti
like that! -What’s wrong–
-Denise. You know what you have to do
to get me to leave. (SINGING)
♪ So many promises ♪
♪ Never should be spoken ♪Every single breakup,
my entire life. -I hate this.
-♪ Now I know ♪
♪ What loving you costs ♪Can’t you just like bring me
a Patti Pie or something? Like, something useful?♪ Now we’re up
To talking divorce ♪
-♪ And we weren’t– ♪
-I’ll take a pie. Do I look like a caterer?
to you? I’m not here selling
or giving away free Patti pies. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.♪ On my own ♪Why don’t you try being grateful
that Ms. Patti came all this way
to cheer you up?-♪ Once again ♪
-Okay, first of all, she didn’t exactly go out
of her way.-♪ One more time ♪
-She magicked here. Secondly, she’s ruining my life. Where are my background singers? Yep, and then she did that.♪ But it once was so easy ♪-Hey, Denise!
-Girl, I like your hair cut. Thank you.♪ I believed ♪-♪ In love ♪
-♪ In love ♪
♪ Now here I stand ♪If Patti LaBelle showed up
every time I got dumped, I would try to get dumped.♪ Woo ♪Oh, really? One time I got dumped
in a fancy restaurant, she had a whole fucking concert.♪ And it was excellent ♪Leave me alone, Patti LaBelle.-♪ On my own ♪
-Excuse me. Oh, that was a good one. I like him better
than the last guy. Too skinny,
he looked like a Black & Mild. Oh, well thank you, Ms. Patti!
You know I’ve been– I said I like you better,
but I don’t like yo’ ass. Denise, you need
to find some real love, sugar. Don’t you have like gigs? Like a Legends Ball to attend?-♪ On my own ♪
-Ms. Patti, please respect my privacy
and leave!♪ On my own ♪-I didn’t even love him.
-Hey. Goddammit,
your voice is amazing. Listen, obviously it’s very special that
we have this…-♪ I’ve got to find out ♪
-…connection.♪ Where I belong again ♪
-But I don’t need this. I’m fine.♪ I’ve got to learn
To be strong again ♪
-♪ I never dreamed ♪
-I guess it’s…-♪ I’d spend one night alone ♪
-…sad, but… It was time for this to end! (SINGING) ♪ I have faith
That I will shine again ♪
Yes, you gon’ find somebody,
baby, I bet you. I’ll see you soon boo-boo.
Patti. -(SMOKE POOFS)
-(PATTI LABELLE VOCALIZING) She never leaves until
I break down and sing with her. You know,
maybe we could try to make– Didn’t you hear me say
I’m all on my own? -Get out my house!
-But, I was– Nigga, take your shit.
What is wrong with you? -But I had a change of–
-We did a whole song. Go! -I’m sorry.
-On my–♪ On my own ♪

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