Apple Launches the iCow September Event 2019 | A Nice Shorts’ Sketch


(applauding)
– Okay, thank you, thank you. I’m just so excited about what
we have to show you today. Introducing the next
generation of products. This smart device recharges itself. (audience member whooping) It has a lifespan of around 20 years. And for the first time ever, we’ve incorporated the
ability to replicate, so that when it finally ceases to exist, it will already have replaced itself. – [Audience Member] Amazing! – Introducing… Cow. (electronic music) ♪ Say you really want me, want me ♪ ♪ Tell me that you need me, need me ♪ ♪ Say you’ll really want me, want me ♪ ♪ Don’t you say you love me ♪ (audience applauding) (laughs)
– Yeah. All right, but wait, wait, there’s more. What if I told you that we
had a piece of technology that could clean the air, clean the soil– – [Audience Member] It’s an amazing Cow! – And feed Cow? Are you ready for Tree? ♪ Say you really want me, want me ♪ ♪ Don’t you say you love me ♪ (audience applauding) – It comes in a range of sizes. And Tree is even able to form a semi-conscious network. – Yeah, Tree!
– Spanning over five million square kilometers, and is
capable of taking energy from the sun and converting it into living matter. Which can then– – [Audience Member] Can
you make cups out of it? Like little paper cups? – Well, technically,
yes, but just remember, Tree can unconsciously
regulate the temperature of an entire planet! Without the need for a thermostat or– – [Audience Member] Hey can you
make toilet paper from Tree? – [Audience Member] ‘Cause
what if we get a dirty bum? – Okay, let’s forget about Tree. (laughs) I have one final treat for you. Are you ready for the most
advanced piece of hardware we have ever created? Introducing… Human. ♪ Say you really want me, want me ♪ ♪ Tell me that you need me, need me ♪ ♪ Don’t you say you love me ♪ (audience applauding) (audience whooping) – Man, have we packed this with
all our latest innovations! We’ve given you a 500 megapixel lens. (audience applauding) Each eye comes with a
100 terabyte hard drive that we call the Meat Cloud. – Wow!
– Human comes in a range of colors and– – Can I have a white one?
– Yeah, I want a white one! – [Audience Member] Can I get a white one? – Sure, there’s a white one too. – [Audience Member] Is the white
one better than the others? – No, they’re all equally powerful. In fact, one of the
great features of Human is that they can interface
and learn from one another. These incredibly powerful consciousnesses really work much better when
they combine their processing. – [Audience Member] Yeah but I just think the white one’s better
for some arbitrary reason. – There really is no difference between a white one or
any of the other ones. – [Audience Member] Is
Human compatible with guns? – Sure, there is a gun attachment. But the beauty is they don’t need it. Human has inbuilt programming that can handle confrontation
through reasoning. – [Audience Member] What
happens if you give them guns? – I wouldn’t know why you’d
do that given their capacity to interpret the true nature–
– Give them guns, give them guns!
– Of human existence in the universe.
– Give them guns! Give them guns!
– Why you’d arm them. (audience members talking over each other) – They have the ability to understand someone else’s emotions! They’re programmed to resolve conflict! They face the same– They have the same goals! Male Human can eat nothing
but Doritos and create sperm! Female Human can use that
sperm to create the universe! They’re all self-aware! They’re all created equally. They have a sense of humor. They can taste, they love, they can be loved. – [Audience Member] One of
them has to be the best! – Okay, fuck this. You’re clearly not ready
for what you already have!

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