Asking For Directions | LIVE SKETCH COMEDY
Excuse Me? Ya? Hi! Actually I really need to get to Akshara Theatre I have to attend a show there you could just give me directions? Alright. Sure. What time do you need to be there? I need to be there, actually, by 9:30 Ok… Ok. It’s going to be a little tight. Ya! See! First of all, are you good with directions? Ya, I am ok. I am ok. You need to be good. How good are you with directions, on a scale of 1 to 3? Is it 1,2,3 or 1 to 3? What’s the difference? There is only 1 number in between. its 1,2,3, 1 to 3. It’s the same thing. I am a 2. Alright. Good enough. Exactly what you need. What I want you to do is go straight. ok Go straight. Take left. Take left. And then what you need to do is there’ll be a cow there. Cow, on the left or the right? Huh? Cow? Where will it be? Where can I spot it? On the left or the right? Cow… is…. always… nthe middle of the road. Why would it be on the left or the right? It’s always in the middle. Is it in the middle of the road or on the middle of the road? Here’s a little trick I like to use. You just say nth middle of the road. nth middle of the road!! See that way you can avoid all the grammar nazis and keep going straight. You keep going straight ahead from there and over there you’ll get sucked into a pothole, alright? Then you’re going to enter another dimension. You’re going to enter.. …Mario Stage 3 Which one was it? No that’s the Circus one. That’s a completely different game No that’s the underground one. The number 2 one. The number second stage. Which one is this? it’s the… You… you knew that was Jonny Quest right? Ya. I did. I did. Somewhere in the middle. But then I just got carried away. You’re going to be late for your show though! So. What you need to do is.. keep going straight from there Alright? As soon as your bike hits 88km/h you’re going to be transported back to 1920 to the Non-Cooperation Movement. Just go straight down the Non-Cooperation Movement. On the left, there will be a small cooperation movement. Whatever happens, just don’t cooperate. Just keep going straight. But why? If I cooperate, we’ll just get freedom faster. Ya. See… it’s a common misconception. See, the Non-Cooperation movement is a non-violent movement, ok? And in Chauri Chaura what happened is people indulged in little bit of violence. That really pissed of Gandhi, you know. It’s actually a longer route, if you think about it. If you go straight, you will reach faster. So, just don’t cooperate. Just keep going straight down there. Over there you’re going to find a Banyan tree. Under that Banyan tree, you’re going to find Lal, Bal and Pal. I want you to give this letter to Lal, alright. Remember, it is of the utmost importance that it does not fall into the wrong hands. I don’t want you to give it to Bal or Pal I want you to give it to Lala Lajpat Rai Don’t give it to…? Bally Sagoo! No! Bal Gangadhar Tilak Don’t give it to…? Palomi Roy! No! Bipin Chandra Pal! Give it to…? Lal Badshah! Lala Lajpat Rai, alright! Don’t give it to Bal, don’t give it to Pal, give it to…? Laloo Prasad Yadav! La Lala Lajpat Rai, alright! Just give it to Lala Lajpat Rai man! Don’t give it to Bal! or Pal! Give it to Lal! Not Bal, Pal! Give it to Lal! Get it? What is this?? Oh it’s just a love letter my grandmother wrote. They used to date back in the day. I just wanted to get the message across. So cute! Pretty cute.. Man, your grandmother dated Bhagat Singh huh? ITS LALA LAJPAT RAI GODDAMIT! Alright. So what you need to do is keep going straight down Non-Cooperation Movement. Hit 88km/h again. You’re going to come back to the future. Once you come back to the future, you take the first right over there. You’re going to find the spaceship from Independence Day crashed on your left side You’re going to find Michael Jackson singing Billie Jean. He’s going to be doing the moonwalk. Follow that Michael Jackson. Dont follow the Michael Jackson singing Billie Jean. That’s the wrong Michael Jackson. You gotta go ahead a little bit more. You’re going to find Trump Towers. You’re going to find Donald Trump taking a shit all over America, over there. You keep going straight a little bit more ahead. On the left side you’ll find Dumbledore. Just say Good Morning Dumbledore He’ll give you “10 points to Gryffindor”. Go a little bit more ahead. On the right side you’ll find a hot and cool Mallu Bakery. You’ll find hot chips, condiments and things like that Pick up a puff if you’re hungry. On the left side, you’ll find an apple tree and there’s going to be a snake and the snake will give you an apple. But whatever happens, don’t eat the apple because you’ll be condemned to hell for ever and more. What? There’s going to be a lake of fire What are you saying? What did you say before that? The.. Dumbledore. “10 points to Gryffindor”. Oh I am sorry. Are you from Slytherin? Freakin Hufflepuff? Much before that! Oh. Okay You got a spaceship. Donald Trump. Dude, are you making fun of me? What? I am trying to go, get to my friend’s show and you’re just making fun of me. I am trying to get directions out of you. You could’ve just said you don’t want to help. But you didn’t have to put all of this entire shit, just to piss me off man. This is why tourist don’t come to India, you know. Because we’re so un.. like we just don’t help! We’re just mean and we just like misdirect them. What do you… How can you say that first right? That first right is a one way. Oh ya! I am sorry! It’s the second right after back to the future! Spaceship. Independence Day. Trump Towers. Michael Jackson Then it’s like that. Ya! That makes sense! Ya exactly! And then.. just keep going straight from there. Akshara Theatre will be on your right side. Ok! Ok! Hey thanks man! Thank you so much. Sorry, I just… No problem at all. Don’t forget the hickey though! I will. Strawberry Alright. Have fun.