Chappelle’s Show – Charlie Murphy’s True Hollywood Stories – Rick James Pt. 1 – Uncensored


WE GONNA HANG OUT WITH
RICK JAMES TONIGHT YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING? AND HERE HE COMES OUT THE ROOM,
WHEN I LOOK AT HIM– AND I’M NOT
BULLSHITTING YOU, MAN, I SEEN, LIKE, LIKE AN ORANGE–
HIS AURA OR WHATEVER, I SEEN IT. IT WAS ORANGE. ♪ GIVE IT TO ME, BABY ♪ ♪ GIVE IT TO ME, BABY ♪ HE STARTED KICKING IT. AND HE WAS
MAD NIGGERISH, MAN, WHICH WAS, YOU KNOW,
RIGHT UP MY ALLEY. I’M ONE OF THE BADDEST
MOTHERFUCKERS OF ALL TIME. I’M ONE OF
THE BEST SINGERS AND ONE OF THE BEST-LOOKIN’
MOTHERFUCKERS YOU’VE EVER SEEN. HOLD MY DRINK, BITCH. HE’D WALK UP TO ANY CHICK AND LICK THE WHOLE SIDE
OF THEIR FACE, MAN. I’M RICK JAMES, BITCH. ENJOY YOURSELF. [chuckling] WE GOT CLOSER,
STARTED HANGING OUT. MY BROTHER DIDN’T DO
ANY OF THIS SHIT. SO AT NIGHT,
WHEN EDDIE WOULD BREAK OUT, WE WOULD ALL BE
GETTING CRAZY AND WILD. AND IF I WAS HANGING
WITH RICK, HE HAD THIS THING WITH ME WHERE HE USED TO ALWAYS,
LIKE, FUCK WITH ME, MAN. I DON’T KNOW
WHAT STARTED IT. CHARLIE, HE WAS HANGING OUT
WITH THE BIG DOGS, YOU KNOW? CHARLIE, HE DIDN’T KNOW
HE WAS DOING CRAZY THINGS AND I HAD
TO STRAIGHTEN HIM OUT. SOMETIMES I HAD TO GO
UPSIDE HIS HEAD. THINGS ESCALATED
TO THE POINT WHERE, YOU KNOW, MY MAN GOT TOO FAMILIAR AND I ENDED UP HAVING
TO WHIP HIS ASS, MAN, YOU KNOW, BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, HE WOULD
STEP ACROSS THE LINE. HABITUALLY.
HE’S A HABITUAL LINE-STEPPER. THE FIRST TIME, YOU KNOW, I HAD TO END UP
WHIPPING HIS ASS, UH… WE WENT TO STUDIO 54. WE WALKIN’ UP
INTO THE VIP SECTION AND, UM, I’M LOOKING AROUND
TO SEE WHO’S THERE AND LOOKIN’ AT THE GIRLS
AND EVERYTHING. AND ALL OF A SUDDEN
I HEARD SOMEONE GO… CHARLIE MURPHY! THAT WAS…
♪ COLD-BLOODED ♪ [laughs] HE HAD THIS RING ON TO COMMEMORATE THIS SONG
HE HAD PUT OUT CALLED UNITY. AND THIS WAS IMPRINTED
IN THAT BLACK HEAD OF HIS FOR AT LEAST A WEEK. ♪ UNITY ♪ EDDIE AND EVERYBODY ELSE THOUGHT THAT THAT WAS
THE FUNNIEST SHIT. AND SO THAT THREW ME IN
A WEIRD SPACE, ‘CAUSE I’M LIKE,
YEAH, THIS IS RICK JAMES. HE’S A STAR. I’M RICK JAMES, BITCH.
[laughs] THIS IS A CELEBRATION, BITCH.
[laughs] MAYBE I’M OVERREACTING. I ACTUALLY WENT THERE, LIKE, “MAYBE I SHOULDN’T DO NOTHING,” BUT MY GHETTO SIDE WAS GOIN’, “YO, STOMP THIS MOTHERFUCKER
OUT RIGHT HERE. WHAT THE FUCK
IS WRONG WITH HIM?” I DRUNK SOME WINE AND I’M JUST GETTING
STARTED, BITCHES. [laughing] HE TOTALLY
JUST WROTE ME OFF. LIKE, I’M THAT NIGGA
TO STEAL ON, YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYIN’? WHAT, HE’S GONNA SLAP ME BACK? I’M RICK JAMES.
HE’S CHARLIE MURPHY. I WAITED, ‘CAUSE I KNEW
WHAT HOTEL HE WAS STAYIN’ IN. EDDIE AND THEM WENT HOME AND I SAID,
“YO, I’LL BE RIGHT BACK.” I SHOT OVER TO THE HOTEL,
WENT UP TO HIS ROOM, KNOCKED ON THE DOOR. SO THEN HE COMES IN THERE. AND I SAID, “LOOK, BITCH,
I’M RICK JAMES.” SMACKED HIM.
[chuckling] OH, CHARLIE MURPHY! HE HAD HIS HEAD COCKED
TO THROW ANOTHER RIGHT HAND. WHEN HE WAS COMING FOR IT,
I JUST CAME–BLAOW! I CAUGHT HIM
WITH THE FRONT. HE’LL TELL IT
LIKE HE GAVE ME SOME KIND OF BRUCE LEE
CROSSKICK OR SOMETHIN’. I KICKED THE SHIT
OUT OF HIM, MAN. [screams] [screams in slow motion] THE WIND IS
KNOCKED OUT OF HIM. AND THEN HE SCREAMS OUT… SECURITY! THE ONE IN THE FRONT,
HE HAD CROOKED EYES AND SHIT. HIS ONE EYE WAS LOOKIN’ AT ME. THE OTHER ONE
WAS LOOKING AT RICK. RICK HAD EDGED OVER
BY THE WINDOW. NOW, DARKNESS,
THE TABLES ARE TURNED. DO WITH HIM WHATEVER YOU LIKE. YOU MOTHERFUCKERS
TAKE ONE MORE STEP, I’M KICKIN’ THIS NIGGA OUT
THE MOTHERFUCKIN’ WINDOW. BOBBY, FREEZE! YOU KNOW YOU WAS WRONG
FOR WHAT YOU DID TO ME EARLIER. LOOK WHAT YOU DID
TO MY FACE. I’M SORRY, CHARLIE MURPHY.
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. I WAS HAVING TOO MUCH FUN. I’LL OFFER YOU A TRUCE. THE STICKIEST OF THE ICKY. YOU WANT TO SMOKE
WITH THE OLD BOY, RICK JAMES? YO, MAN, MY FOREHEAD
IS BUMPIN’, MAN. NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT, I THINK I’M BLEEDING
INSIDE MY CHEST. BUT I GOT THE MEDICINE. BITCH, COME OVER HERE AND HAVE SEX
WITH CHARLIE MURPHY. I’M RICK JAMES, BITCH. THAT WAS HOW
THAT PARTICULAR INCIDENT ENDED, BUT IT WASN’T THE LAST TIME
I HAD TO WHIP HIS ASS… WHIP HIS ASS…
WHIP HIS ASS. DON’T YOU THINK
CHARLIE’S A LITTLE OLD TO BE TAKING KARATE? HE PROBABLY TAKIN’ IT
WITH THE LITTLE KIDS. YEAH, CHARLIE WHIPPED MY ASS
IN HIS DREAMS. I TOLD YOU, CHARLIE HAD DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR
IN HIS HEAD. I’M TELLING YOU
WHAT WAS HAPPENING.

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