“Green Party Coming Out” Sketch


Mum… Dad… There’s something I need to tell you- You’re getting married! No. You’ve got a boyfriend? No… You’ve been on a date? You met someone. No, mum. Nothing like that. It’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about for a while. It’s a big part of who I am and I just don’t want to hide it any longer. I’m Green. What? I’m Green. I’m a fully paid up card-holding
member of the Green Party. Are you sure? Well I don’t see how I could
have got that wrong. How long have you known? I think on some level I’ve always known. But you can’t be! You don’t even look
Green! There isn’t a uniform, dad. This is your fault, Joan. You
voted Labour when you were pregnant She wasn’t born this way, it’s a choice! I knew we should have confronted her when we found those copies of the Guardian under her bed. It’s Adam and Eve, Laura, not People and Planet! Actually the Garden of Eden is a
metaphor for taking more responsibility- You’re not even religious. Well, nor are you! Look, maybe it’s just a phase, Henry. You experimented with the Lib Dems at college and you grew out of it. It’s not a phase, mum. It’s something I
feel strongly about. How can you be sure? Have you even tried
voting Conservative? I don’t need to. I know what’s right for me. It’s nice to be with a party who treats me like a human being for a change. Maybe there’s something else you could try before you decide for sure. I have decided. Maybe you just haven’t met the right Tory yet. Have you tried internet dating? Have you been to a singles night? You may never even have children. I could still have children! But they’re be children of hippies, Laura! Hippies! Have you tried just not voting? Have you tried a sperm bank? Mum, I don’t understand what problem you think you’re trying to solve. And dad, I know you think it’s a wasted vote, but I don’t think that voting positively for something I believe in is wasting my vote. There’s nothing we can say to change her mind, Henry. She’s a grown woman. Well you could have chosen a better time to tell us than “Bring Your Daughter to Work” Day. *awkward cough*

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