Inside Amy Schumer – Last F**kable Day – Uncensored


♪ There she goes
like a shooting star ♪
♪ She got fireworks
in her heart ♪
♪ Lighting up this world… ♪(women laughing) (woman)
You guys.
You never slept with him. You don’t know
what you’re missing. (woman 2)
No way! It’s crazy. Hi. Are you lost? Um, I’m sorry. I just– I love
all of you, I can’t– (laughing)
I can’t believe
you’re here. You’re, like,
literally my heroes. (Julia)
God, you look familiar. Are you that girl
from the television who talks about her
pussy all the time? Yes! That– Yes, thank you. How fun.
Well, come sit. Please. (laughing)
Come on. Yeah. Come talk about
your pussy over here. (Amy giggling) Is it– Is it
someone’s birthday or– Oh. Kind of the opposite. We’re celebrating Julia’s
last fuckable day. (Julia)
Yes, salud. Woo!
Woohoo! Um, I’m sorry, did you say
Julia’s last fuckable day? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. What is that? In every actress’ life, the media decides
when you finally reach the point where you’re not
believably fuckable anymore. But– I mean,
how do you know? Who tells you? Well, nobody–
Nobody really overtly tells you, Right. but there are signs. You, like–
You know how Sally Field was Tom Hanks’
love interest in “Punchline” and then,
like, 20 minutes later, she was his mom
in “Forest Gump”? Or you might get
offered a romcom with Jack Nicholson
where you’re competing with another woman
to fuck him. I just had an audition
for Mrs. Claus. You’re kidding me. I read for that part. You did? I read for that, too. (Julia)
You did? Yes. Hey, who got that? J.Lo. (gasping)
Oh, she’ll be good. She’s gonna be really good. (Julia)
Really good. Or you go to a movie set, you go to wardrobe
and the only thing they have for you to wear
are long sweaters, like cover you up
head to toe kind of thing. Right, or, like,
the poster for your movie is just, like, a picture
of a kitchen. Yeah. With these very uplifting
and yet vague titles, like, “Whatever It Takes”
or “She Means Well.” That kind
of thing, right? Another common sign is when they
start remaking your best movies with younger,
more fuckable actresses. I guess they’re making “Boyhood”
with Selena Gomez in my part. That’s gonna make
a lot of money. I don’t understand.
You’re all so fuckable. Like, believe me, no one
was more surprised than me that they let me stay fuckable
throughout my 40s and the fact that it
continued into my 50s. This was just like,
thanks, but… I thought that US Weekly
had made some sort of a clerical error
or something. Tell me about it.
If you shoot a sex scene the night before
your birthday, everyone is like,
hurry up, hurry up, we gotta get it
before midnight, ’cause they think
your vagina is gonna turn
into a hermit crab. Uh-huh. Well, is there anything
you can do to delay it? Yeah, I mean, you can try,
but it only makes it worse, like those
Real Housewives. They try to look young, but then they end up
looking like a purse that melted
in a car accident. Yeah. They look like when a kid
draws a face on its hand. But what about men?
Like, who tells men when it’s their
last fuckable day? (all laughing) Honey, men don’t
have that day. Never. Well, they’re
fuckable forever. They could be 100 and, like,
nothing but white spiders coming out,
but they’re fuckable. I didn’t get this commercial
last week for AARP because the director
said I was too old to play Larry King’s wife. I heard that Bruce Willis just got engaged to a girl
who is 24 years younger than him and I heard that
she’s an actual baby lamb. What?
Really? Mm, Google it. So, wait, are you guys,
like, bummed at all? (Julia)
What?
No. Are you kidding me? I’m thrilled. Ecstatic. I mean, I don’t have
to deal with this, maintaining this anymore. I mean, it’s just such–
It’s a godsend. I can grow
my pubes out, it’s– Look at this. See this ice cream? It’s been sitting
out here for an hour. You wanna know why? Watch this, baby. (all chanting)
Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug! (Amy chuckling)
Oh, my God!
Woo! (belching) Whoa! (laughing) (farting) Oh, whoa. (Tina)
Hilo ! (all laughing) (Julia)
All right. You know
what’s next. Let’s go do
this thing. Where are we going? To do the ritual. And then we put
her in the boat and we push her out
into the water and we drink champagne
to salute how fuckable she was
for so many years. It’s nice. (Julia)
Yeah, It’s really nice. (all shouting)
Cheers. (laughing) And where is she going? Home. Wait, what? Tina, no! Seriously, relax. She’s just
going to her house. I gotta get clothes that I’ve
got to get out of the dryer. (exhaling) Okay, I was right. She’s an actual baby lamb. Oh. Oh. (Julia)
Can I see it? Oh. Good for them. I’m out. Okay, bye,
I’ll see you. (kissing) What are you doing? I’m just gonna, um,
go home and wax my beard.

100 comments

  • Andrew Jackson

    Wow I now hate all Americans.

    Reply
  • Andrew Jackson

    Four very unfunny cunts.

    Reply
  • D. Price

    SALUT!

    Reply
  • Hi Jack

    3:06 Nobody should be too old to play Larry King's wife

    Reply
  • Mal Gato

    haha too old to play Larry King's wife…unfortunately yes it's true that should be for Jlo

    Reply
  • simplelife4213

    but they're all fuckable.

    Reply
  • salazam

    "Women age like bread, men age like wine" – Amy Schumer

    Reply
  • Soci Oz

    Emy chumer is not funny.

    Reply
  • Mark Jackson

    Great start-finish but all should "Bow-Down" to the joke about being the Actress opposite Jack.

    Reply
  • Tonto Epstein

    I believe Larry David would have referred to the two obviously man-made structures inside Julia Louis-Dreyfus as, "First of all, they're not breasts, they're just big chemical balls, OK? They're not breasts." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-CfHPw-HNh0

    Reply
  • Nicholas Leon

    I'm here for bailey jay

    Reply
  • Mark

    Hilarious! 🤣 how Tina came in with the 🏹🔥

    Reply
  • Panik! Props

    Poor li'l Nick B. 🙂

    Reply
  • 200tdrew

    Nothing but white spiders though lmfao

    Reply
  • Shoot The Moon

    was I supposed to laugh? Maybe they should add a laugh track to help some of us know when to laugh.

    Reply
  • Windrune

    Like that day could come for JLD

    Reply
  • K A

    They only want you when you're 17 when you're 21 you're no fun……..

    Reply
  • krogdog

    Well ladies, you would all date older, wealthier men when you were in your prime years.

    Reply
  • Madam 2012

    That was fantastic

    Reply
  • Marianne Lynn Latjow

    Apparently, 4 weeks and six days before you turn 47!!

    Reply
  • MGTOW are Incels

    Amy was never fuckable.

    Reply
  • Edward Pate

    Sorry but Julia is still severely fuckable!

    Reply
  • Bartenational Bart - email - nationwide

    I like these older women cause I am 50, they look amazing to me

    Reply
  • Peter Smit

    It's called "hitting the wall". These women clearly hit it at top speed.

    Reply
  • Pixeldonkey

    3:42 3:42 3:42 3:42 3:42
    3:42 3:42 3:42 3:46 3:46
    3:46 3:46 3:46 3:46 3:46 3:46
    3:46 3:46 3:46 3:46 3:46 3:46

    Reply
  • cramp æ

    That show tries way too hard to be funny.

    Reply
  • Tim Norton

    What a pig

    Reply
  • Adrian Bailey

    3:43

    Reply
  • Apex Legends is worse than fortnite

    3:42

    Reply
  • Chris Scott

    Come tall about your pussy over here

    Reply
  • George Garcia

    LOL FAT VAGINA!

    Reply
  • cheezyridr

    i would totally have sex with the amy schumer of this period. i haven't seen how she is these days, so i can't say. probably jld too, if she wore those porn stockings with the garters, and was shaved down to a landing strip. oddly enough, neither one of them have called though. 867-5309 i'm here ladies

    Reply
  • Im brown, Worship me!

    Do you ever get "feelings" a commanding premonition that completes obscure parts of an incomplete picture?
    I do all the time, I am blessed and my premonitions accurate! I have a feeling Julia Dreyfus has "the hots!" for me!

    It's palpable! I feel it in the heart of each reader, your heart without quarrel engages mine in harmony of this knowledge!

    Do you feel it?

    Reply
  • Socratic Method

    This bitch is not funny….. at all…

    Reply
  • Socratic Method

    And she steals half her jokes….

    Reply
  • Rebecca Lopez

    Twenty four years younger than Bruce Willis is still pretty old.

    Reply
  • King Savage97

    2:53 maaaaan that’s on the ladies lol. Women be checking for older dudes all the time. Like what the hell do you see in a 60 year old man? Ain’t our fault ladies still be interested in elderly men

    Reply
  • Brace Yourself

    I don't think Amy Schumer can really relate, considering she was never fuckable.

    Reply
  • TheUnDrunkPCBastard _

    I'm sorry Amy, you have never been fuckable. Even though I'm sure a few frat boys hit a roll every now and then.

    Reply
  • tsleel escappa

    How did this whale get her own show. The only funny people are the guest stars but not related to anything they say on the show

    Reply
  • AsMoose Alter

    1:34
    – hey, who got that?
    – JLo
    (pause)
    – oh… she’ll be gooood
    LMAO

    Reply
  • A Panera

    I wonder who that fourth seat was originally for lol

    Reply
  • Ash

    Brilliant

    Reply
  • olly breh

    Is this a comedy?

    Reply
  • Adam F.

    Yeah yeah women problems, who gives a shit. Keep quiet and look pretty forever.

    Reply
  • VIM

    Wait a minute, you mean to tell me that the profoundly superficial industry that has made these women impossibly wealthy beyond their wildest dreams or talent, is shallow when it comes to appearance? Well, I am shocked. Really.

    Reply
  • Andy Badfish

    This isn’t even funny ?? How do people like this ?

    Reply
  • Victoria Lopez

    This skit is genuis

    Reply
  • Corvus Corax

    All 4 are VERY fuckable 😍

    Reply
  • Imam Syafi'i

    The cast is almost too much

    Reply
  • Nick Dorokhin

    Atleast Amy Schumer doesn't have to worry, she was never fuckable.

    Oh, and the skit starting off with her jogging.. That's cute. We all know she doesn't jog..

    Reply
  • Matt Melee

    Ladies welcome to the Wall

    Reply
  • jeremy young

    "they could be a 100 and nothing but white spiders coming out" ROFLMAO. video was worth it for just that comment alone

    Reply
  • Kramer

    Amy Schumer should not have made this.

    Reply
  • Buddy

    Only thing funny about amy Schumer is her weight!! Lmfao fucking fat ass.

    Reply
  • Pedro Mendez

    Do me I got it u do me 5626747757 I'm the Real dinck yeah

    Reply
  • Pedro Mendez

    Yes I'm single now but fuck u all 2192 1 ok I'm luis

    Reply
  • Isabel Humphrey

    COME TALK ABOUT YOUR PUSSY OVER HERE😂

    Reply
  • Muhammad Asif

    Get married you bitches. Only husbands fuck old wives.

    Reply
  • Matt Grebenik

    Hilarious bunch of women, here.

    Reply
  • Call Me a Cab

    None of these fuglies thanks – least of all the 4 eyed beeotch

    Reply
  • Tony Bernardo

    I think Julia, Tina and Rosanna agreed to this idea from Amy Schumer's mind because it would be ironic that even though Schumer's show was having it's 15 minutes of fame, they new that all of them despite their age were more "Fuckable" than Amy Schumer at any age. Sexy is sexy.
    Sorry Schumer.

    Reply
  • KelRiever

    "…A purse that melted in a car accident." LOL!   And it's bullshit, because these 4 women are all fuckable 😀 (I'm sure they just love to hear that, put in just that way…but hey, they started it…)

    Reply
  • NY Nurse

    Best. Fucking. Thing. I. Have. Ever. Watched. With. Every. One. Of. My. Favorite. Fucking. Female. Icons. In. Hollywood. EVER.
    🤣🤣🤣

    Reply
  • yourstreetserenade

    Patricia Arquette will always be fuckable to me

    Reply
  • Nicholas Tucker

    Not considered comedy at all.

    Reply
  • Frank Daws

    Way to stick it to the entertainment machine!!!!

    Reply
  • siân diann

    this is litro what was on my mind in that movie where will farell was the lead and his love interest looked 20 years younger and hot😐what we don’t realise is that it’s men who usually cast and direct these, and those decisions implement problematic ideals in society. Women are afraid to age now because they feel like they’re only valued when young, and men look forward to their long lives because the media we consume tell them they can be fuckable almost always.

    Reply
  • HUNGER GAMES

    Hate to dislike a video with tina and julia in it, but i’d hate to like a video with Amy Schumer

    Reply
  • Margarita M.

    But they are still milfs >_>

    Reply
  • Margarita M.

    I’ve noticed than in European cinema (especially French and Italian) actresses who are middle-aged never perceived as “old boring, not fuckable anymore”. They usually play confident charismatic characters, who fuck either their peers or have boy toys.
    In America, women in film treated as a product. First wrinkles – bye, girl.
    I loved the novel “Theatre” and the film adaptation “Being Julia” that deals with this issue in a witty way.

    Reply
  • Cain Lannister

    3:38

    Reply
  • M O

    I threw up

    Reply
  • Jimmy B

    Great scene

    Reply
  • Dark Eco

    No wonder she got breast cancer

    Reply
  • Ahmed Tahoun

    Brilliant Just brilliant "Salute"

    Reply
  • Darrell Ludlow

    Back when Schumer was funny.

    Reply
  • MrShanester117

    Inside Amy Schumer are the corpses of 100 old burned out vibrators

    Reply
  • rasnac

    Four years later and still… 🙂

    Reply
  • Shimmano Joe

    Inside amy shummer stinks of fish

    Reply
  • ILUVMYPOKEMANZ

    "vanilla of a certain age" LOL

    Reply
  • Judgement

    Tina Fey: "To do the ritual."
    That line and delivery slayed me XD

    Reply
  • Vinylman65

    Today's so called humor is too crude to be labeled as funny! That's why the comedians of yesterday were Golden and today they're your everyday sick and twisted foul mouth no class twits that just falls right in with our sick and twisted foul mouth society! That's the difference! There is no decency anymore!

    Reply
  • He Who Is

    All unfuckable.

    Reply
  • velveteye74

    Tina! NO!😂😂😂

    Reply
  • ThePowerExcess

    Ok, so I thought I was into comedy but I don't know who the blonde woman is.
    If she is sitting on that table with the 30 Rock lady and the lady from that white house show, she must be important.

    Reply
  • Rafael sanguinete

    Girls belly of man burp and fart

    Reply
  • Jennifer S

    Julia is 54 here. Amazing!

    Reply
  • crazzi-j north

    This is genius

    Reply
  • noneya bizness
  • Ca mu

    Bill Burr is right! These women need to hang it up. No plastic surgery will help their Fuckability.

    Reply
  • King Dende

    The wall is undefeated

    Reply
  • Wayne Szalinski

    lmfao sally field was here xDD

    Reply
  • Mark Alexander

    Who's the blonde woman? (not Amy)

    Reply
  • Shaina Cilimberg

    I think younger guys are more attractive than guys older than I am

    Reply
  • harvey weinstein

    Sally was fuckable in Smokey and the Bandit.

    Reply
  • harvey weinstein

    Unless you are a genetic anomaly, nobody want to fuck you when you are over 40. Men are at peace with it and hire prostitutes. Women should stop bitching and do the same.

    Reply
  • Princess Leia

    The way patricia arquette said "Home." was so funny😂

    Reply
  • Adrian bailey

    3:42

    Reply
  • Ham Boning

    Amy Schumer should get hit by a bus

    Reply

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