Key & Peele – Magician Cop


[indistinct radio chatter] [tapping on glass] – WAS I SPEEDING, OFFICER? – YOU DON’T LOOK LIKE
YOU’RE FROM AROUND HERE. – NO, SIR. – YOU BEEN DOING
ANY DRUGS TONIGHT? – NO, SIR. – NOPE?
– NO. – WHY DON’T YOU
POP THAT TRUNK, STEP OUT OF THE VEHICLE
FOR ME, PLEASE. – REALLY?
– YEAH. [trunk pops] – [sighs]
[seatbelt clicks] – NO DRUGS, HUH? – NOPE.
[indistinct radio chatter] – WELL, WELL, WELL. [trunk closes]
WHAT HAVE WE HERE? – NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
YOU PLANTED THAT IN MY CAR. – OH, DID I? OR…DID I PLANT THIS? – UH–I REAL–I GUESS– – UP AGAINST THE CAR,
RIGHT NOW. – OH!
– SPREAD ‘EM! – UH–
– HUH, WHAT’S GOING– WHOA, WHOA.
WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE, HUH? – WHAT?
– THESE YOUR COLORS, HOMIE? – THAT’S–THAT’S NOT MINE.
– HUH? – NO, I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT–
– WHAT? NO? OR ARE THESE YOUR COLORS? OR PERHAPS THESE
ARE YOUR COLORS. OR ARE THESE–?
LOOK AT ALL THESE COLORS. MAN, YOU SURE GOT
A LOT OF COLORS. – I DON’T–
– LOOK AT ALL OF THESE COLORS. – WHAT, THIS IS– – WASAH! – ARE YOU A REAL COP?
– FREEZE! WHAT IS THAT?
– WHAT– – MM. WELL, WELL, WELL. IT LOOKS LIKE
AN ILLEGAL FIREARM. OR… IS IT? AHH.
[dove cooing] – OH. I’M–I DON’T–
I DON’T KNOW WHAT THIS IS. I’M SORRY.
– PICK A CARD. – THAT’S NOT EVEN A GOOD FAN. – ANY CARD.
YOU CAN JUST STICK–THERE. OKAY, YOU TOOK THAT CARD?
– YEAH. – NOW, CAN YOU
REMEMBER THAT CARD? – YES. – CAN YOU COMMIT THAT CARD
TO MEMORY? – THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE.
– HAVE YOU DONE SO? HAVE YOU DONE SO?
– YES. – PLEASE INSERT THE CARD BACK
INTO THE DECK RANDOMLY. – DONE. – IT’S IN A DIFFERENT PLACE THAN
WHERE YOU TOOK IT ORIGINALLY? – THERE.
– THERE WE ARE. THERE WE ARE. – THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
– NOW, I TAKE THE DECK LIKE SO. I GIVE IT A “SKASLOISLES”
AND “ABRACASLOISH.” [gunshot]
– UH, FU–WHA– – OKAY… AHH.
IS THIS YOUR CARD? – NO!
– ARE YOU SURE? – I WANT YOUR BADGE NUMBER. [coughing] – OH. OH. OH! – [coughing] UH–UH–WHA–
WHAT DID– OH!
– HAAH. – HOW DID– IT’S MY CA–
HOW DID YOU DO THAT? – AHH. AND… THAT IS FOR YOU. – AFTER ALL THAT,
YOU’RE STILL GIVING ME A TICKET? – IS IT A TICKET? OR IS IT A TWO-FOR-ONE COUPON
FOR MY SHOW AT THE MAGIC HOUSE
THURSDAY NIGHT AT 11:00 P.M.? YOUR CALL. – I’LL TAKE THE TICKET. – GREAT. OKAY.

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