Racist Mario

(Laughter) Here I come! (Laughter) Ah! Hey! Ah! Now listen here mister. I don’t mean no trouble! Go back to your own console! But sir, I don’t even have my own console. We’re multi-platform now. Knuckles!? It must be Mario! He just… He takes racing too seriously! He takes everything too seriously… You motherfuckers invite non-Nintendo characters onto my track!? Now this is Podracing! (Screams) (More screams) Holy shit! He’s killing all the non-Nintendo racers! What is he? Some kind of racist? (Pedophillic laughter) (Screams) You’re not Nintendo! You’re… you’re Pretend-o! You’re all race-traitors! Yoshi! Ah! Oh my God! Aaaaaaaah! They’re fucking glass in my eyes! Aaaah! Oh my God it hurts! It hurts so bad! (Dumb monkey sounds) 23 years of jumping barrels… 23! 23! Fucking! 23! Fucking! Years! (Happy monkey sounds) (Sad monkey sounds) Oh God! Oh fuck! Oh fuck! Oh fuck! Luigi! I’m comin’ for yah, nigga! Wait! Mario! Think of our history! So, you like to go fast, huh? Please! Mario! No! What are you doi- Alright! I caught it! Now it’s mine and I can force it to do whatever I want! (Maniacal laughter) Oh! Ooh! Oooh! (Growling) Oh! Mario stop! We’re brothers! I have no brother… Mario! Oh shit! It’s Kratos. Fuck you Kratos! (Growling) You Playstation characters never learn! Suck my mushroom-tip! You fucking son of a bitch! Oh, Hey Mario! Uh! Aaaaah! Nintendo power! (Growling) Nintendo! Nintendo! Nintendo! (Roar) (Laughter) Ooo! (Laughter)


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