REENCARNACIÓN


Okay. Are you ready? Kind of. I’m very worried about this
reincarnation business, Father God. I can imagine. But you’ll reincarnate
in 3, 2… -No, wait! Wait!
-What’s wrong? -Did you write everything down?
-Yes, it’s all here. You want to be a boatman. Yes, so I can be close
to the ocean, the beach… It’s the best, Father God. So you’ll reincarnate as a boatman
in Coatzacoalcos, Veracruz in 3… -What? Wait, wait!
-What’s wrong? -Where did you say?
-Coatzacoalcos, Veracruz. No, no, no, no,
my beautiful God. I was thinking
about something else, you know? Look, with the sun
they have there, I won’t have this tan. I’ll have more of a reddish color.
I don’t like it. -I see.
-No, no, no. What were you thinking? I was thinking
about somewhere nicer, like in the Bahamas,
or maybe Italy, in Capri. But if there isn’t
a universal budget, I could stay close by,
like in Cozumel, Playa del Carmen, Tulum, Isla Mujeres. And, Father God,
if it’s too complicated, you could send me to a beach
in the Yucatán Peninsula. -Okay.
-No? I can’t grant you that.
I’m sorry. -Why not?
-The candidate-space relation. -What is that?
-I’ll explain it to you. For you to reincarnate
in one of those beaches you want, you should have lived
as a blind nun in Sudan. -A blind nun in Sudan? No!
-Or being born in Indios Verdes. No, wait, Father God. Remember that I was a lawyer,
an actor, a hotelier, a businessman? -Look at that, Father!
-You’re basically the man. -Yes, the man.
-Of course. -Is that a sin?
-No. -Well then…
-It’s worse than a sin. A big one. No one wanted
to help you reincarnate. I’m giving you a hand because I liked your role
in “Girls”. -Thank you.
-Sure. Let me see if I can get you a space
in Lázaro Cárdenas, Michoacán. No, no, no.
Lázaro Cárdenas, Michoacán? It’s full of oil there. The sand is thick,
as if it was like this… -It’s gross. No.
-But you don’ want anything. You don’t want Coatzacoalcos,
Lázaro Cárdenas… -MTV no way.
-MTV? Father God, that one I like!
MTV. -Martínez de la Torre, Veracruz.
-No, no, wait, wait. Hold on. That’s not MTV. Listen… Why don’t you reincarnate
as the mezcal worm? -Mezcal worm?
-Yes. Your life expectation as a human
in the beaches you want is low. You’ll be very poor. You won’t be able to fish
because it’s all monopolized. You’ll take tourists for rides,
and they’ll want to annoy you. You’ll die of cirrhosis. -You’ll get with two tourists…
-Yes! -And you’ll die of an STD.
-Oh, no… You won’t make it to 23. Well… Let’s see then. What is it like
to be a mezcal worm? You’re born, eat some dirt,
do nothing for 2 years and end up
in a mezcal bottle. -You’re not joking, right?
-No. Regarding the mezcal bottle,
could you grant me one more thing? Can it be in Cancun? Please! -Okay.
-You’ll go to Heaven, Father God! If God isn’t on your side
either, have a drink while watching
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