Sword Art Online IN 5 MINUTES | Anime in Minutes


Welcome to Sword Art Online ! Announcer: Sword Art Online is the greatest game ever! Kirito: This is the Greatest Game EVER! Announcer: You are now all trapped until someone completes a hundred floors Kirito: Fuck Announcer: Haha, most of you are actually guys! Oh and if you die in here you die in real life. *panic ensues* Kirito: YOU, come with me! I need a comedic sidekick! Klein: Actually I think I can be an interesting character audiences would like to see more of- SHUT UP Klein, come back when you’re a Main Character™! ಥ_ಥ (#saveKlein) Announcer: 2 Months have passed and 2,000 people have died. Generic Knight: Too many people have died! So your only objective of this raid is DON’T DIE! Oh God, I’m dying. Kirito: Drink the potion. Generic Knight: This is it, I can tell this is the end! Kirito: DRINK the goddamn potion! Generic Knight: Just tell my family I love them Kirito: WILL YOU JUST DRINK THE POTION ALREADY?! bleh WHY DIDN’T YOU DRINK THE POTION?! Screw it, I’ll do it myself. Fangirl: Oh my God, I want his babies! Bystander: Who the hell is he? Kirito: I’m the Black Swordsman. Guts: No, you’re fuckin not. Rosalia Bitch: How the hell did he get so Overpowered™?! Kirito: psh I’m not Overpowered™! FUCK OUTPLAYED MLG 2GUD (WOMBO COMBO) PRESS F (HAPPY FEET) 4v1 (IT AIN’T FALCO!) REVERSE GANK [Mechanical God] Kirito: Now I just need to find my generic love interest! Kirito: Are you the right one? Harem Victim: I guess I could- *Blood-curdling scream* Ped-ito: Are you the right one? Harem Victim #2: I’m like 12! Kirito: Are YOU the right one? Harem Victim #3: I’m as useless as a hedgehog in a condom factory! Kirito: How about you Tits McGee? Asundere: It’s not like I like you or anything you idiot BAKA! Kirito: Perfect Hi! Asuna: HI! Kirito: Wanna get married? Asuna: OK! Kirito: Wanna have sex? Ass-una: OK! (Underage Sex ensues) Asuna: Does this mean we can have children now? Kirito: GOD, I hope not. Asuna: Kirito, look what I found! Kirito: You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me. Asuna: Can we keep it? Kirito: No Asuna: But I want ooonnneee! Kirito: NO Asuna: Pleeeeeeeease Kiri-no: NO! Asuna: I’m not having sex with you for a month! Kirito: FINE If you promise to feed it properly and take it for walks. Satan: Are you my mama and papa? Asuna: YES! Kirito: NOOO!! Can we just go back to showing me being Overpowered™? Oh, so apparently I can dual-wield now! Harem Victim #5: Hey, how is that fair- Kirito: SHUT UP, Klein! Come back when you’re a Main Character™! ಥ_ಥ (RIP Klein. You were the MC we needed, but not the one we deserved) Now no one can beat me at this game! Heathcliff: I’mma let you finish Kirito but, I AM THE GREATEST SAO PLAYER (cheater) OF ALLLLL TIME! Kirito: YOU WANNA GO? FIGHT ME IRL BRO! fuck Announcer: Heathcliff WIN! Kirito: HAX! I call hax! Not-Kayaba-Akihiko: What? Kirito: You’re Kayaba Akihiko aren’t you? Definitely-Not-Akihiko: What are you talking about? Kirito: Obviously no one else can beat me at this game! Clearly not Kayaba Akihiko: I commend you for figuring out the truth. NOW FIGHT ME! Kirito: Oh, shit, seriously? I was just talking out of my ass! Kayaba Akihiko: Whoopsie Daisy! Kirito: Asuna, WHYYYYYY?!?! Asuna: Because that’s the only useful thing I’m ever gonna do… (Oops) Kirito: I’M STILL GONNA DIE YOU STUPID BITCH! Now you die. HAX MODE ON! What? (penetration) Kayaba Akihiko: This doesn’t even make sense…! Kirito: gg no re Kayaba Akihiko: Congratulations on beating the game. Kirito: So, how come you wanted to trap thousands of people in this game? Pfft I dunno. Kirito: Seems legit. Asuna: I’m gonna blow you so hard when we get out of here! Kirito: OK! WAKE UP BITCH YOU OWE ME A BLOWJOB! Generic Villian: I’m afraid she’s not going to wake up… Kirito: Who are you? Generic Pedo: I’m the new bad guy of this arc
who’s going to marry this girl! Hahahahaha! Kirito: Alright PedoMcRapeFace, have fun getting dead fished for the rest of your life. Harem Victim #5: Hi, I’m Incest! Kirito: Sorry Incest, I’m not really interested right now. What am I supposed to do now? Agil: Have you heard?
There’s a new RPG out! Kirito: Now’s not the time for games! I have to figure out a way to save Asun- HOLY SHIT YOU CAN FLY? I’M SO FUCKING ON THIS! Agil: What about saving Asuna? Kirito: Saving who? Incest: You have black hair and
you’re really good at video games! Just like my brother! Kirito: That very big breasts! Just like my sister! Incest: Did I ever tell you I was in love with my brother? Kirito: Wow It’d sure suck if I was your brother! Incest: YOU’RE MY BROTHER?! Kirito: I’M YOUR BROTHER?! FUCK! FUCK! I CAN’T BELIEVE I FELL IN LOVE WITH MY BROTHER. Kirito: Sugu (Incest), wait! You still might have a chance with me! Incest: I’m instantly over it. Let’s play more video games! Incest: This final boss is impossible to beat! Kirito: HA! Who the hell do you think I am? I’m Kirito- AHHHHHHHHHHHH *GANKED* Alright, well I guess 2nd time’s a charm. Incest: This time with the power of FRIENDSHIP! Random Loser: I’m actually just a pointless character (Darude Sandstorm) Kirito: Alright, I’m through! Now to get you out! Asuna: How do you plan to get us out? Kirito: By ripping off Berserk. *Kirito about to pre* GRIFFITHHHHHHH- Oh you’re here again. Wait, how are you even here?! Ghost Kayaba: Pffft I dunno. Kirito: Seems legit HAX MODE ON What? Wat? How? Kayaba KAYABA! FINAL BATTLE *tink* *dink* *cough* So this is it. I’ve saved my girl, defeated the bad guy, and escaped the game after
living 2 years of a torturous life in it. I guess there’s only one more thing to do… (live a normal life?) PLAY SWORD ART ONLINE AGAIN! Some Guy: Yeah! *Harem Laugh* THE END

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