Zoo Pornographer – SNL

>>GOOD MORNING, GOOD PEOPLE, GOOD NEWS. IT’S “GOOD DAY, DENVER.” >>IT’S 7:00 A.M. IN DENVER ON THIS BEAUTIFUL SUNNY DAY. I’M JANET LORADO DIEKMAN ALONGSIDE ALAN “FUN TIE” OVERBROOK.>>WHAT? THIS COUNTRY IS A MESS. I THOUGHT I WOULD HELP BRIGHTEN THINGS UP WITH A FUN TIE.>>BRIGHT IS RIGHT! WHERE ARE MY RAY-BANS, GEEZ!>>COME ON! >>LOTS GOING ON THIS MORNING? BUT FIRST, LET’S CHECK IN WITH OUR FIELD REPORTER, DONNA HEMING WHO IS AT THE DENVER ZOO WITH DANNY BANGS. A

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All the President’s Pens

Ms. Brown: I’m not quite sure when it started. We know that President Kennedy and President Johnson each use a number of pens when they were — when they signed bills and the Clerk believes that it started with either Truman or Roosevelt. And the practice is that a — the President uses a number of pens and — then gives the pens to people who worked particularly hard on a bill, who sponsored the bill, who really fought to

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Romance Bookstore – SNL

>>OH, SEXY. BABY, IT’S AN EROTIC BOOKSTORE.>>ANYTHING TO HELP OUR DUMB ASS DRY SPELL.>>WELCOME TO THE SCORCHED COURSE ET WHERE FANTASIES DELIGHT. >>WHAT MY FRIEND CAROL IS TRYING TO SAY IS LET US KNOW IF YOU NEED ANYTHING.>>WE’RE JUST BROWSING. DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING BY JACQUELIN LEVO? >>HAVE YOU READ THE RANCH HAND AND THE ROW? >>I HAVE NOT.>>OUR STOCK BOY SHOULD KNOW WHERE IT IS. JOHN GEORGE. >>YES.>>ASSIST ME AT ONCE. >>SURE. LET’S GET THAT BOOK. >>SHE’LL BE RIGHT

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Shud the Mermaid – SNL

♪♪♪ >>>TRUE TALES FROM THE SEA. FROM U.S. FIGHTER PILOT HARRISON BECKETT, 1944.>>MY PLANE WAS SHOT DOWN OVER THE PACIFIC. I FELL INTO THE SEA, AND SURRENDERED TO DEATH. YET I AWOKE ON THE SHORE OF A SMALL DESERTED ISLAND, ALL ALONE, OR SO I THOUGHT. HELLO? IS ANYONE THERE? >>NO ONE OF YOUR KIND. I AM TITACLES AND I RULE OVER THIS COVE. I SAVED YOU FROM A WATERY GRAVE AND THEREFORE I COMMAND YOU TO MARRY ONE OF

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Olive Garden – SNL

>>>OKAY, MY LOVELY FEATURED BACKGROUND. WE ARE ABOUT READY TO GO FOR A TAKE. ALL YOU GUYS HAVE SEEN OLIVE GARDEN ADS. YOU KNOW THE DEAL. FUN, CASUAL. WE REALLY WANT TO GIVE VIEWERS THE VIBE THAT YOU’RE EXCITED TO BE HERE. >>I LOVE OLIVE GARDEN SO I WON’T EVEN HAVE TO ACT AT ALL. >>THAT’S WHAT I LIKE TO HEAR. SO I’LL CALL OUT DIRECTION FROM THE MONITOR AND LET’S SEE IF WE CAN CAPTURE SOME MAGIC. HERE WE

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