Unhealthy Relationships

– Maybe I’ll just text
him and say that we had to cancel the trip. – What? Ali, it’s totally normal to go on a weekend getaway
with a guy that you’ve only been on three dates with,
haven’t had sex with. Yeah, it’s totally normal. – What is wrong with me? – No, dude, it’ll be fine. – No. God, how long does it take to get beer? – I know right, and she’s
late for everything, but always blames me. – That sucks. – Yeah, one time I was five minutes late, and she made me pay her $5. – Wait, dude, what? – Yeah, it was fine though, it was a joke. It was a bit (beers thudding on roof). – Babe, get out, Ali’s new
man has to sit in the front. – He’s not my boyfriend. – Thank you. (giggles) – Okay, you’re gross. (upbeat electronic dance music) – Excuse me, driver, do
you have a 4S charger? – God, I hate this stupid bit, also update your fucking phone. – So have you and your boyfriend does the? – Sharpen pencils yet? No they haven’t. – He’s not my boyfriend,
we haven’t but I think I’ll be really good
’cause like our make-outs, and have me on the dry humpage. – I knew you would be good. – Oh my god, Jen stop,
Ali does not want to hear about her best-friend’s
remarkable sexual prowess. – Ugh, you too are sick. – Aw, he’s so much cuter
than his Instagram. – Hey. – Hey, you need help? – Oh, no, I’m good. – Ali, he has a fucking
backpack, he doesn’t need help. – Shut up, do I look okay? – [Brittany] Yes. You got it? – Yup, brought some wine. – [Ali] Thank you. – How’s it going? Hey. – Hi, Brittany, big fan of your Instagram. – Thank you. – Charmed. – Right, all right road trip. – Who’s that? – George, my rat exterminator. – Dude, you seriously have rats again? – Yeah. – You text with your rat guy? – Yeah, I don’t know what boundaries are. – That’s so funny, my childhood
home had squirrels once. – [Ali] That’s cool, that’s funny. – [Jen] Great, scary,
did you get rid of them? – No. (laughing) (chill indie music) – Whoa! Holy shit, water’s like right there. Do you want to go find a room? Cool. We call this one. – [Ryan] That’s incredible. – Yeah. Do you want to go find a room? – Yeah. – ‘kay. – [Ryan] Here I can grab that actually. – Oh, thank you, what a gentleman. – Is that side okay? Brought the Tempur-Pedic ’cause you know baby got back problems. – Can you do me a favor? – What kind of favor? Does it have to do with my mouth? – Can you try and remember
you’re my girlfriend and not Ali’s this weekend? – Yeah, did I say something? The sexual prowess thing was a joke. I mean obviously not a joke ’cause you– – No. It’s just a reminder. – Yeah. (smooching) – Oh hey, should we… Stop and go back out and– – No. – See what they wanna do? – No, they don’t care. – Are you sure? – Yeah. – Wait. – They won’t care. (sighs) – We have all-night. (swallows loudly) – Okay. (sighs) One. (grooving jazz music) (people chatting indistinctly) – So the biggest laugh of
the night was when a guy fell on the stage, and his
head was right next to my shoe. – The only laugh. – [Ryan] That’s so cool
that you do stand-up. – Thank you. – My friends always tell me
that I should do stand-up. So I’ve been thinking
about it and I don’t know. (everyone being encouraging) You think so? – Anybody funny can write a joke. All you gotta do is write
it down and then say it. Stand-up comedian.
– [Ryan] I can do that. – [Jen] No, anyone can, I mean you can. – Well you know Brittany,
everyone has shitty shows. It’s just one show, whatever. – And weirdly, it’s harder
for a butt-hole joke to land for only four people. – Yeah, because not everyone
laughs at the lowest common denominator, so. – My buddy Ted does stand up. Do you know a Ted? – I don’t really think
that Brittany’s comedy is lowest common denominator,
it’s actually really smart– – [Brittany] What does Ted look like? – [Ali] She subverts the
lowest common denominator. – Tall, white dude, beard. – You know, I get it. – Yeah, maybe I met him at an open mic. – I just don’t like it. – So you don’t like any of
your girlfriends comedy? – I didn’t not say that,
I said I don’t like the lowest common denominator comedy. No, no, I like you, you are adorable. – You don’t have to go to my
shows if you don’t want to. – Have you guys heard of Luis CK? – Louis CK! Louis CK? I love Louis CK, love him. Why did you have to say
it in front of them? – I just meant like, you
don’t have to go to my shows. – No, I get it, it’s just
that, why did you say it in front of your friends? – I’m sorry. – It’s like my first time
out with them, I don’t even– – I’m sorry. – It’s fine. – That was really good. – Yeah, I feel like you
got close but, you didn’t. – Yeah, you’re perceptive, I mean, that was still really fun for me. – Are you one of those girls who does cum? – No? – Do you need an emotional
connection to cum? – No, I mean it helps for
sure, but it’s also more about like a guy, knowing where the clit is. – I know where that is. – Yeah, no, of course you do. – You’re probably just
nervous or something. – You should have seen their
faces when you told me not to come to your show.
– [Brittany] Really? – [Brittany] No, I didn’t mean
like don’t come to my shows. I meant like it’s not convenient
for you, you don’t have– – I have to, you’re my girlfriend,
of course I have to go. Hi! – Hi. So, how’s it go? How was it, good, bad? – It was good, I like him a lot. – Good. – I didn’t cum. – It’s okay. – Bummer. – I should have just faked it. No, you’re faking it is so
not convincing. (laughing) College roommate. – This is true, it’s
like I get too into it. It’s like a dolphin drowning,
I’m just like (vocalizing). – [Brittany] Yeah, I
remember, the shit’s not good. – [Ali] Hey. – Hey. – They know we fucked. – [Brittany And Jen] Yeah, yup. – Cool. (laughing) – Did you put shoes on? – [Ryan] Yeah. – [Jen] Adorable. – Just put them, I don’t know. – Brit and I were taLking
about going out on the patio and having a drink in a minute. Do you guys want to come? – Yeah that sounds good. – You already have shoes on, so you’re only two more steps away. – Put on pants. – [Brittany] We can get beer from the car. I’m sorry. – It’s okay. – [Ryan] (sighs) Hey, let
me help you with that. – I can cum. – What? – I can cum, sorry, to bring it up again. It’s just super frustrating
earlier when you blamed me for not being able to cum. – I’m sorry? I didn’t know if that
was normal for you, or– – Yeah, I know, and it’s
not your fault obviously. It’s not my fault either,
it’s no one’s fault. – I didn’t know it was
going to be such a big deal. Like you’re freaking out. – Okay. – Hey, let me grab this. – Cool. – Hey, listen, come on. Are we cool? – Yeah. (sighs) There’s no Seymour Butts? (laughing) Okay thank you for your time. – Okay, it’s my turn. Brittany. – Oh yes. – [Jen] Truth or dare. – Truth. – Of course you picked truth. – Okay fine, dare. – Okay, I, dare, you, to, kiss Ali. (chuckling)
– [Brittany] Yeah, okay. – Come on guys are so close,
I’m sure you’ve done it anyway. – No. – What? No, it’s not like that at all. – Come on Ryan, don’t
you think they should? – I mean I guess. – Wait, you really want me to do that? – Of course I want you to. Come on, prove that sexual prowess. (sensual blues music) – Okay, Ali, let’s just do it. – Brittany, we don’t have to
just because she says this. – Oh, you don’t want to? – Yeah, I don’t want to. I don’t want to kiss your girlfriend. – Okay, calm the fuck down. – [Ryan] Wait, here, I’ll kiss Ali. – [Jen] Okay babe, it’s your turn. So Ali thinks I’m a bitch– – No, she doesn’t think you’re a bitch. I don’t tell her anything,
I don’t tell her bad stuff. – She thinks that I’m
evil, all on her own. That’s ruined, thanks for that. – [Brittany] I didn’t. – Just like every other
relationship I’ve ever had. (knocking on the door) – [Brittany] Yeah, one sec. – Are you serious right now? – [Ali] Hey, let’s go for a walk. Now, come on, let’s go.
– [Brittany] Okay. – [Ali] Does she always
treat you like that? – Like what? I shouldn’t have been
so flirty in the car. – You were not flirty at all. – She got cheated on in
her last relationship. She has certain triggers. – Brit, there isn’t a single
moment this weekend where I felt like she treats you okay. – It’s just crazy lesbian drama. – No, it’s crazy, crazy person drama. What, so she’s a woman, so
she’s excused from treating other women like shit? – She doesn’t treat me like shit. – Okay, if a dude treated me,
if Ryan treated me like this, we would hate him forever. I feel like she’s just
completely manipulated you into feeling like you deserve this. – Okay, well I’m sorry
that I actually give people a chance, I don’t just break
up with them because they don’t make me cum once. – Okay. She’s abusive. – She’s never hit me. – She doesn’t have to. (tender electronic music) – You and Ali go get high? (Brittany sighs) – Oh hey. – Hey. – Was everything okay last night? – Yeah, sorry I just really
needed to talk to Brittany. – It’s okay, I passed out. – Okay, I’m sorry about
everything this weekend. I know it’s been really intense. – No, don’t apologize,
I’ve had a lot of fun. – Me too. (Ryan grunts)
(Ali giggles) – And I’ve decided that
I’m going to make you cum. – Yeah? – Even if it takes all day. – Okay. (giggling) (smooching) (dramatic classical music) (speaking muffled) (water spraying) – I think that it should
be big, whatever it is. I just like my parties to be
big, there’s too many people that come to my parties.
(Ali laughing) Hey girl. You guys hungry? I’m making breakfast. – Oh yes. – Oh, sure. – Last night was insane, I’m hungover. I don’t remember anything
after Ryan did that weird strip tease. – And somehow, it wasn’t even from a dare. – Coffee? – Sure. – [Jen] I put cream it in. – [Brittany] Cream. – All right. (ethereal electronic dance music)


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