WATER WILL KILL YOU! (FBE Sketch)


(pencil scratches paper) – (narrator) This is water.
It’s naturally occurring. You can find it almost anywhere. And you should be
avoiding it at all costs. 71% of the Earth’s surface
is covered in this stuff. It’s not only everywhere,
but we’re taught from birth that it’s a necessity for sustaining life. Human beings consume water every day and will tell you they
need it to feel normal. That’s the definition of addiction. You don’t want to throw
your life away, do you? Only 2% of water on the planet
is fresh and drinkable. That’s right. 98% of water
could kill you if you drink it. Good luck finding that 2%, ’cause 68% of that water
is frozen in glaciers, you idiot, the very same glaciers
where dead bodies are found. You wouldn’t drink a dead body,
would you, sicko? Water is associated with nearly
every drowning death ever. But did you know that
it’s the leading cause of flooding, the number-one natural
disaster in the U.S.? Floods will not only leave you
uncomfortably wet, but they’ll destroy your homes as well. There you have it: a proven link
between water and homelessness! So what are you doing?
Stop drinking it, already! According to the Bible,
water once killed, I don’t know, everybody on the planet
except one guy and some animals. So if our word isn’t enough
for you, maybe God’s is! And if you don’t believe in God, then here’s a fact for you, asshole. 443 million school days are lost each year to water-related diseases. Those very same diseases
will kill one in five children under the age of five.
You heard that right. Water is going to murder your kids!!! So do the right thing.
Stay away from water. ♪ (dramatic chord) ♪ – Heh. So what do you think?
Some great stuff in there, right? – What the hell is this?
Some sort of joke or something? If people don’t
drink water, they will die. – Yeah, exactly. By using these parallels, we can get people to think
about how much water they waste. – You never even mentioned anything about conserving water in this video. (both conferring) – I’m sorry. Did your previous
ad solve the water crisis? – Oh… no. But– but this just seems to be
more like that teeth-brushing ad, you know, where you turn on
the faucet while you brush. – And we can’t forget about
the celebrity endorsements. (both conferring approvingly) – Look, guys. Those ads
just don’t seem that effective. As individual Americans,
we’re consuming more water per person than anyone else on the planet. – Look, we’ve been running
that ad for 15 years, okay, without fail. In fact, I don’t think
you know what you’re doing. You clearly do not understand
the nuances of PSAs. Get out! – More of the same from big water, huh? All right. Thanks. You haven’t
heard the last of us, you guys. – You don’t understand
the nuances of PSAs. – (aggressively) We are
changing the world! – (aggressively) We are changing the world by keeping it the same! – (announcer) This ad was paid for by The People Who Don’t Like Bad PSAs. ♪ (Edvard Grieg, “Morning Mood”) ♪

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