When Hip-Hop and D&D Collide – Key & Peele


– UH, GREETINGS,
ADVENTURERS. – GREETINGS.
– GREETINGS. – AS YOU ALL
CAN SEE HERE, WE HAVE A NEW TRAVELER
IN OUR RANKS. UH, THIS IS
MY COUSIN TYRELL, AND HE WILL BE CONTROLLING
THE PLAYER CHARACTER. – HIS NAME IS KANYE.
HE’S A GIANT, YO. – [nervously laughing]
UH, DEAR COUSIN… TRADITIONALLY, A–A GIANT
IS NOT ASSUMED BY A PLAYER. IT IS A
CHAOTIC, EVIL– – YEAH, BUT I WANNA
BE A GIANT, YO. ALL BIG. – OH, OKAY. FINE.
[laughing] WELL, TRAVELERS, YOU ARE JOINED
ON YOUR ADVENTURE TODAY BY A GIANT
NAMED KANYE. NOW WHEN LAST WE LEFT YOU,
YOU WERE AT THE INN OF THE NORTH STAR
IN THE TOWN OF ISLEDOR. HOW DO YOU BEGIN
YOUR ADVENTURE? – I WANNA GET
SOME BITCHES. WHERE THE CLUB AT
AT ISLEDOR, YO? – TYRELL, THIS IS
HIGHLY UNUSUAL. I THINK THE GUYS PROBABLY
JUST WANNA GO ON THE QUEST– – UM, STEPHEN?
– YES? – I WOULD LIKE TO JOIN
KANYE THE GIANT IN HIS QUEST. – SERIOUSLY? ALL RIGHT. THE TWO OF YOU
ENTER THE TAVERN. WHAT DO YOU SAY? – KANYE THE GIANT
ORDERS ALIZE. – HMM, SAYS
THE BARKEEP. UH, I KNOW NOT OF THIS FOREIGN
BEVERAGE OF WHICH YOU SPEAK. PERHAPS YOU’D ENJOY
AN ELVEN ALE? – NO, WE BOTH
WANT THE ALIZE. – ALIZE DOES NOT EXIST
IN THIS WORLD. – KANYE THE GIANT
SLAPS THAT BITCH. – OH! – KANYE THE GIANT ATTEMPTS
TO SLAP THE BARTENDER. HERE. THE BARTENDER
IS HALF-HOBBIT AND VERY NIMBLE, SO YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE
TO ROLL AN 18 OR ABOVE TO HIT. 20.
– BLIP. SLAP THAT HOBBIT’S
[bleep] OFF, YO. – OKAY. GOLLIN
THE CLERIC, WOULD YOU CARE TO RESTRAIN
KANYE THE GIANT BEFORE THE TOWN GUARD
IS CALLED? – UH, I GRAB MONEY
OUT OF THE REGISTER. – BUT–BUT–BUT GOLLIN
THE CLERIC IS LAWFUL GOOD. THIS ACT OF THIEVERY WOULD DISHONOR HIS GODS.
– HEY, MAN. THE ONLY GODS
IS MONEY AND BITCHES, DUDE. – AH! I ACCEPT KANYE
THE GIANT’S GODS, AND, UH… YEAH, I-I-I STEAL
SOME OF THE MONEY TOO. – YOU TOO? OKAY, WOULD YOU NOW LIKE
TO CONTINUE YOUR QUEST FOR THE LANDS OF CALDAHAR?
– FELLAS… WE CAME HERE
FOR BITCHES. WHERE THE BITCHES AT? – ALL RIGHT, YOU SEE A BEVY
OF WELL-ENDOWED WENCHES. – GREAT, I GRAB THEM BITCHES,
AND WE ALL GO IN MY SUV. – FINE. KANYE THE GIANT,
UDAR THE DWARF, AND GOLLIN THE CLERIC
CLIMB INTO HIS SUV WITH THEIR BITCHES
AND THEIR ILL-GOTTEN GAINS. – AND OUR ALIZE. PLUS KANYE THE GIANT
PUTS HIS DEMO CD IN THE CD PLAYER–
– NO, HE DOESN’T. THERE ARE NO CDs
IN THIS WORLD! YOU KNOW WHAT? DO WHATEVER
YOU WANT. – ALL RIGHT. I GUESS I’M
THE DUNGEON MASTER NOW. THE EYE OF ONA
OPENS UP… 16 TITTIES
FALL OUT. – YEAH! [laughing]
– HURRAH!

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