Who Was Harry’s Best Defense Against The Dark Arts Professor?


Hey, Brother! J, Hogwarts is a weird place to work, right? Like do you live there? Does your spouse live there with you? It kind of seems like Snape is out in the castle a lot at night. For some reason he just kind of seems nocturnal so.. but Hagrid lives there and Trelawney says it’s her home And if they do go home at night, does that mean we just have a castle full of kids just sleeping there alone Also why would kids even want to sneak out at night anyway They have common rooms that seem to be totally fair game and people from all of the other houses are basically the enemy anyway. So if professors don’t live there, basically at night we have one guy and his cat wandering the castle by himself. Although even then you know we see Filch during the day and that guy ever sleep No wonder He was so cranky. But I guess what I’m really trying to say is who is the best Defense against the dark arts professor? Like what does the like want ad for a new teacher position at Hogwarts look like anyway? Now hiring: man or woman, any skillset, imposters welcome, Don’t be a werewolf, unless you absolutely have to. Being possessed by an evil force MAY be allowed, light torture is not preferred but okay, open to multi-year contract, (but let’s be real). Oh and getting here is on you. Looking at you, Lupin. Honestly most of the hirees completely suck. Or they’re amazing. It doesn’t really matter They only last a year either way. But that’s good for us over here at Super Carlin Brothers. Where we like ranking stuff. Before we begin, let me clarify by saying that we are going to be ranking them based on how they performed as a teacher at Hogwarts And not necessarily how they stack up as a wizard. So let’s dive right on into the top six-ish Defense against the Dark arts teachers. Starting with number six Dolores Umbridge. [You haven’t given me any ink. You wouldn’t need any ink] Yeah, the fact that Lockhart isn’t at number six says a lot about the quality of teachers at this position Hello But seriously that little lightning bolt scar on top of Harry’s head is сhild’s play compared to what this woman does. Did you know that she is the only other person besides of Voldemort to leave a lasting scar on Harry’s body and she leaves sixteen while she was one of his teachers. Honestly out of six she might actually be in seventh place. Even J.K.Rowling describes her as being basically as evil as Voldemort himself But I think the key problem with Umbridge has nothing at all to do with torturing and the fact that she is just deliberately wasting the students time, and actively NOT teaching them defense against the dark arts, in a wake of Voldemort’s return. [Theoretical knowledge would be sufficient] The only real benefit of her being there at all is that it led Harry to starting Dumbledore’s army. Actually when you put it like that, maybe Umbridge was the best thing that ever happened to Hogwarts Except for the fact that she could have just taught them all of the same things, yeah, you know she is the worst. Moving on number five Professor Quirrell [I thought you ought to know] Yeah, the fact that Lockhart is not at number five really says a lot about the quality of people at this position [I didn’t get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her] But my real takeaway from this ranking is that Umbridge was still worse than the guy who had the most evil wizard ever living in the back of his head But let’s talk about Quirrell for a second. When you hear the description of the guy, he kind of reminds you of Neville. Like the quiet stammering kid. We do know that Quirrell spent a lot of time travelling the world trying to get as much experience in the field as he possibly could and even fantasized about being the one to take down Voldemort. But hey letting him possess you and control your actions is basically the same thing, right? I think so, but I’m a horcrux half-full kind of guy. I guess he did try to teach the students though. I mean after all he did show them an iguana That’s more than Umbridge did. And that brings us to number four Finally professor Lockhart! [Hardly any of you remember that my favorite color is lilac.] Yeah, the fact that Gilderoy Lockhart is at number four says a lot about the quality of teachers at this position. Truly a bumbling idiot it is kind of amazing that Lockhart almost cracked the top three in this list but he did serve one very vital function. His main contribution to Harry’s defensive skills come after starting a dueling club at Hogwarts. He’s not very good at dueling or teaching dueling, but he did provide the scenario that led Harry to learn the Expelliarmus. And in case you have forgotten that’s the one he uses here and here So, yeah, I guess that ended up being moderately useful a few times. But hey I’m a triwizard cup half-full kind of guy. And that brings us to number three – Severus Snape [Turn to page 394] So despite Lockhart starting the Dueling Club it’s actually Snape who teaches Harry Expelliarmus. [It was pretty obvious what you’re about to do] it really is kind of poetic. That Snape is the one who taught Harry the spell that ultimately overthrows Voldemort. And as someone who is pretty keen on getting this position for so many years he was pretty adept at it. He successfully tips Hermione off about Lupin being a werewolf during their third year, in their sixth year he teaches the class about nonverbal spells in theory and stunning spells. He also tries to teach Harry to defend his mind with lessons on occlumency but it turns out he actually seriously sucks at this. Beyond the classroom he also teaches Harry a variety of superuseful skills through his old textbook including Levicorpus and Sectumsempra Which is more of actual Dark Magic. And how to successfully brew lots of potions it kind of seems like Snape would have had a really good profession as just like a potions book author but.. And he’s the one that slows down the curse that is killing Dumbledore and cast a pretty freaking sweet Patronus, but all of those things happen outside of the classroom, so they don’t totally get to qualify towards his credentials But he’s still a super good defensive wizard. Number two Barty Crouch, Jr. and/or Mad-eye Moody? [The minister says you’re too young to see what these curses do I say different]. You know if I was an evil wizard trying to return to full power I would maybe not have the guy who was orchestrating the entire thing training my enemies in Defensive Magic, but hey I’m a the eye sockets or half-full kind of guy. Depending on your perspective Barty’s biggest flaw is the fact that he did too good of a job at teaching Harry and his friends defense against the Dark arts. the Dark arts. Like for one of the best villains in the series he’s also one of the best good guys. Specifically with the unforgivable curses he even says it is too early for you guys to be learning this Why tell them? You’re deliberately going out of your way to give them more information than they needed! You could just teach them the normal year four stuff and despite his ultimate motive and reveal, the students still seem to have seen him as a brilliant teacher. [I never thought I’d be in the same room as him, he’s really been there you know.] His teaching of Harry how to handle the Imperius curse is exactly what allows Harry to escape it when Voldemort is using it on him later. How did you break my curse? – Your dude was great! And that leads us to number one Franklin. Just kidding. Number 1 – Harry Potter! Oh, no not, not really. Lu-Lupin is number one. But I say Harry because I feel like he kind of deserves an honorable mention here He does train like 30+ wizards how to do a huge variety of hyper useful spells that are absolutely critical in the battle at Hogwarts. So back to the real number 1. Remus Lupin. [It’s alright, it’s chocolate.] Reason number 1 Chocolate. And before you say anything let me just say, it helps, trust me Yes, if I’ve learned anything from Lupin is that you can always trust strange men on the train who give you candy which why exactly was Lupin even on the train? It’s the only occurrence we ever see of a professor being on the train Whatever. Lupin is easily regarded by most students as the best or only worthwhile defense against the dark arts teacher they had. Ironically he seemed to really excel against dark creatures. Such as Red Caps and Grindylows, Hinkypunks and Boggarts. But he also seemed to have advanced knowledge on defensive spells. Now Snape may have taught Harry his signature Expelliarmus but Lupin taught him his other signature spell [Expecto Patronum!] Now of course you have to give Harry a lot of credit for being such a young wizard and being able to produce such advanced Magic But you also have to give Lupin an enormous amount of credit for being able to coax this out of his student So there you go guys that is our ranking of the defense against the dark arts teachers What did you think? do you agree? What are your rankings, please leave your thoughts in the towel section down below. Also worth mentioning that we did not forget about Carrow But he was actually teaching dark arts. Not defense against the. Also guys be sure to go check us out on patreon We have been adding loads of awesome new content to it Basically every day including some sneak peeks at skits and all of the blooper reels which I can assure you are many And huge thanks to our super Carlin friend of the week. Guys as always Thanks for watching be sure to like this video and subscribe if you haven’t already/ If you’d like to see some more Harry Potter horcrux Action from us you can click right here to find out whether or not Professor Quirrell was a horcrux or right here just to see us rank the horcruxes But, J, that is everything that I’ve got for you today, man. I will see you on Tuesday

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