Why My Art Became So Bad…


Hey guys, it’s Rae here. Welcome back to what is a very hard, hard video for me to make. It’s important that I’m open, I’m honest and truthful. It’s important that I don’t hide things from you guys and you know, I think it’s just time to let this video out, it’s been a long time in the making and I can finally express myself and tell you guys about some stuff. It’s not just about art you know, it’s not just like “ooh, testing art hacks.” You know, it’s something that I’ve been wanting to talk about. So um, yeah, let me just start from the actual beginning so I can explain. So, the channel that you’re watching right now, SuperRaeDizzle, was created back in 2010 and I started making YouTube videos in 2011 and it was so much fun, it was something that I did all the time and I loved making these, even if I got you know, tons of dislikes, I didn’t care because I loved YouTube. I loved watching YouTube and so I, it’s been over 10 years you know, that YouTube has been a part of my life. Even in college when I went to get my degree in art work and I was studying oil painting, even then, you know I would take, every once in a while I would still do a YouTube video. I would still update my life to my 120 subscribers that I had and I would get so excited when my videos would hit, you know, 20 views and I mean, YouTube did take a backseat because I was focused on the multiple jobs that I had and I was focused on, you know, painting and oil painting and getting these concepts out and back then, you know, when I was studying artwork it was much different than how I make artwork now. One of my favorite things to do was just lock myself up in my room and paint all day, all weekend, all week as soon as I would get home from school. I would just paint, put on a podcast and paint, paint, paint, and it was pretty much at that point when I realized that I want to do this for the rest of my life, like I love painting so much. I want to keep doing this. Flash-forward to me about to graduate college. I had no jobs lined up except for you know, freakin’ Big 5 Sports Apparel and I was in a panic because I didn’t know how I was gonna make money, I didn’t know how I was gonna be an artist and I didn’t know how I was gonna sustain myself. And so, at this point I kind of got the idea of like, “hey, maybe I can get some people to see a YouTube video and direct them to my Instagram and so I can sell my artwork and so people can see my artwork!” And so, and so that very night, you know, I pushed two chairs against my coffee table and I taped like a broom and a mop to the chairs and I made this like really makeshift tripod thing, you know, that would hold my little camera that I had bought for, you know just stupid selfies or whatever and to make YouTube videos and that night I made my very first art tutorial and I made it all within like two hours, even the thumbnail, everything. And that video was the “Do’s and Don’ts of Drawing an Eye.” And that video was not a good video, you know, that was like the very first time that I ever even thought about trying to make a YouTube video related to art and lo and behold, that video got a million views. A million, which you know, to me, that’s insane. Like, to even fathom that my video could get a million views! And so I graduated college. I was working at Big 5, you know, hating my life, hating the job and when I would get home to my little crappy apartment, you know for making seven dollars and 68 cents, I started like making YouTube videos all the time, and art related videos because it was two birds in one stone. I started making tutorials and speed drawings and how tos and tips and I mean back then, you know, nothing really was big on my channel but it grew and grew and grew and eventually I was able to be a full-time art YouTuber, I was able to not have to work at Big 5 anymore. And as my channel grew, as I started getting subscribers and getting fan mail and getting you know, a disposable income, YouTube, I’d started taking it more and more and more seriously and YouTube became not just a hobby anymore, but this was my career now, this was what I – this was putting me on a track to my career as an artist and YouTube isn’t no longer just a hobby, it’s my everything. It’s where I go to feel good about myself, it’s where I go to learn stuff. It’s where I go to entertain myself. It’s my paycheck. It’s my channel. It’s my creativity, It’s where I put my art, it’s me. Like I started equating my YouTube channel to myself. And with current YouTube, it’s important to know that you have to upload at least once a week to get that you know, recommended, to get that watch time, to be in the algorithm or else if you don’t upload then it pretty much like wrecks at your channel. Your analytics drop because you’re not getting promoted because you’re not putting anything out! So it became very stressful for me to upload as often as I could and you know, that put a lot of pressure on myself, like I got to get this out every Friday, gotta get this out every Friday. Got to get it, you know, every Friday, Friday, Friday, Friday! And I started getting into this weird bubble where I started prioritizing YouTube over everything else in my life, like for example, I gotta upload on Friday, so I don’t need to eat cause I got to work on this video. Why, why should I go to the gym? I need to work, you know that’s gonna be an extra 20 minutes. You know my house, chores, everything, like family, friends, none of that matters because I need to work, I need to edit, I need to get this video out and I need to put all my time into it and… and eventually it got to a point where I was under a lot of pressure constantly. I was like a ticking time bomb you know, I would just have these stupid fits of rage. I mean, one time I broke out into hives all over my body from this immense amount of stress, you know; sometimes I would just shake and cry and scream because I was so putting this dumb pressure on myself. And anytime my channel would go through a slight dip downwards or slight fluctuation, I would put immense pressure on myself. I would freak out, I would start over analyzing everything and I started putting so much pressure on myself, trying to focus on the thumbnail. “I need to focus more on the funny edits, I need to focus more on watch time, I need to focus on everything, everything !” And so I started taking these shortcuts that would alleviate just an ounce of that stress that I was building up. So obviously I can’t not focus on the thumbnail, I obviously can’t not focus on the titles, I can’t not focus on the editing or the funny edits or the noises or the background noises, so there’s only one thing left that I could take shortcuts on and it’ll help me get the video out and, that’s my artwork. And it worked for a little bit until it didn’t work, and not only was I in the same cycle but now my artwork is declining, I’m not able to express myself and I just *sighs* this is really hard for me to admit but I just got to the point where I wasn’t enjoying making art and I wasn’t proud of the art that I was putting out and I wasn’t proud of my videos and I – I hated waking up filming under this immense amount of pressure and I was making art for the wrong reasons and you know, I started seeing a lot of comments. Like “wow, Rae’s so bad at art, Rae’s so this, Rae’s so that” and you know, not only that but now my views are declining and I just, and I felt so Inauthentic, I felt uncomfortable with myself, I felt insecure, I felt tired, stressed. And I didn’t know what to do, you know, like what was I doing wrong? I’m, I’m doing what the algorithm says, I’m, I’m taking things that have worked in the past but you know, the views are declining, my fanbase is unhappy, and so I had asked on Twitter one night very defeated, like “what can I do? Like what? What do you guys want to see for me? I don’t know what to do.” And to my surprise within minutes, within MINUTES I started getting tons and tons of responses saying well, “we just want to see you do artwork, we just want to see you do colored pencils in charcoal, and I want to see you oil paint and I want to see… We just want to see you make artwork and be happy and do what you love to do. And we want to be along for the ride!” And at that point it just clicked in my head why I’ve been absolutely miserable, why I’ve been stressed out, why my soul has been beaten and broken down, it’s not that I need to focus more on the metadata, the thumbnails, because I’m not making the art that I love. I’m not living my life that I need to live. You know, I believe that I’m on this earth to make artwork and if I’m not doing that then I’m not happy and you know, it sucks that I was trying to focus so much on this formula in my head that I was trying to focus on the wrong thing and it just clicked for me and yeah, it’s fun to do it sometimes, you know, test out art hacks and weird supplies, but that can’t be all of it, you know because I want to do artwork! That’s why I’m an art channel! *laughs* Like what am I doing? And I, I want to say I’m sorry to you guys, for not only being the authentic Rae, but I’m sorry to myself, you know for putting on this dumb stress that doesn’t even need to be and this brings us to this week where for the first time I decided to pick up a paintbrush for me, something that I want to do, something that I love to do and I’m gonna do some realism. I’m gonna mix it up a little bit, I’m gonna get freaky, I’m gonna get weird, I’m gonna just press myself and let all this that has been building up out. Finally, just let it all out. But that’s not gonna be it, you know, like I want to expand, I want to grow, I want to like, just let it all out and it feels so good and it feels incredible and you know, I’m not gonna lie, you know, it stings every single time that one of my fellow artists tells me “Well, I want to see you get more creative. I want to see you spend more time on it” because I know I could be doing it, I know I could be creating, but I’m not, I’m focused on this stupid thing that I’ve made up in my head and honestly guys, I can tell you that this week has been probably one of the best weeks I’ve had in months because I feel free again. I feel me again! I feel like the art. Oh, I can’t believe I’m crying, I feel like the artist that I’m meant to be and it feels so good and I just, I just, I guess like my soul is happy and anyway, what this all comes down to is that I realized I was putting myself under all this pressure and that I didn’t need to. I mean, it does matter a little bit because you know, I do need a paycheck and you know, I want to put savings and stuff, but you know, I’m not here just to make money, just to make a paycheck on any of that because obviously, it doesn’t feel right for me. Obviously I can’t do it, what matters more importantly over everything is that I am still that girl, you know, in my room, painting, enjoying myself, expressing myself and It feels so good to finally just be able to be open and honest with you guys, not have any crazy edits or anything like that, just to get back to basics and *sighs* This is the most relief I’ve felt in such a long time and everybody who watches me, thank you so much for your support, for everything and I’m so glad to say for the first time in a very long time, here’s my first oil painting that I was able to do and it feels so good! And yeah with that being said, guys thank you so much again for watching. Thank you so much for listening to my rant, and I will see you guys next video. Bye! *End music*

73 comments

  • SuperRaeDizzle

    I hope this video doesn’t come off as me complaining about my audience, my job .. the stresses in this video were 100% caused by this dumb anxiety I was creating in my head. I got to a point where I was over analyzing everything. I have a lot of videos and art that I’m very proud of.. but some I’m not, and those weeks were when my dumb anxiety was above the roof. I should have just relaxed! Thank you guys for always being there, for being understanding and enjoying my content!!! You guys are truly truly a blessing in my life. ??✨?

    Reply
  • Isang dalagang Pilipina yea

    G dragon?

    Reply
  • Gayle Dodds

    Rae we love you because you are you❤️❤️❤️❤️

    Reply
  • Urban Monkey

    Emo much.

    Reply
  • anais pille

    I love this video ❤️❤️ I just found your account but i already love it ?❤️Please dont forget to take care of yourself ❤️ I am so happy for you that you are happy again??

    Reply
  • Omg_Cholesterol

    I used to draw all the time when I was young. But once I hit like 15, I lost interest.. I didn't think I was any good at it. And even now, being 19, I still can't seem to get myself into doing art.

    Reply
  • Bazylika Ulpia

    Oh my God, i am crying because I was in the same moment not long time ago and It is horrible feeling. But next she starts talking about better time and it was so emotional and I Just stars CRYING again

    And I Just want to hug her

    Reply
  • Introspective

    I'm so depressed and unmotivated to even make art

    Reply
  • Claire Xue

    BAD?

    Reply
  • S h o t o T o d o r o k i

    Rae: Why my art got so bad..
    She says while creating an actual masterpiece.

    Reply
  • Alexandra Poon

    I have no idea how you do the face OMGGG

    Reply
  • Crystal Marcum

    Hello I'm new and your art is awesome

    Reply
  • Ariel Mungroo

    Eye-
    I saw g-dragon so I clicked

    Reply
  • Ferst 4ever

    Okay bitch but why the clickbait?

    Reply
  • crafty role plays

    U r a wonderful person and artist, don't let the hate stop u from what u love!!!!

    Reply
  • crafty role plays

    That was a masterpiece

    Reply
  • Suga Stan 101

    Is that GD in the thumbnail or am I just tripping? ….

    Reply
  • Alyson Zuniga

    It’s ok Rae…

    Reply
  • XxSorrel PawxX

    So relatable xP love ya! XP

    Reply
  • Mashmallow Spinkle

    Your ‘bad’ art is my most proud art, anything you do is AMAZING! If you drew a circle a would still be memorised and dazzled by your talent.

    Reply
  • Ras Tarou

    I'm born in 2010 bruhhh

    Reply
  • Sarah Dermody

    I love this video, why it has so many dislikes is beyond me! Love the painting and i don't think you came across as moaning about your audience at all. I love your honesty!

    Reply
  • Gabriella Russo

    pov:one of your old haters is now one of your fans only to relize that you are the person who thay hated

    Reply
  • Elsie DeForest

    I have the same problem. I totally understand this and it’s so frustrating that I don’t even pick up my supplies most of the time anymore

    Reply
  • Abby’s Corner

    Rae: why my art became so bad

    Also Rae: Creates the most beautiful oil painting in the same video

    Reply
  • love XD

    Your art in paint or water colour art is at least better than mine my water colour and paint is BAD

    Reply
  • KawaiiTube __ Animal Jam!

    I mean, atleast your bad art is better than mine..

    Reply
  • B Henry

    Whooah. You were a little kid when you started . . I first came to your channel to see a colored pencil showdown and subbed for the variety. I'm a very amateur artist and just watching you use these supplies from bottom to top is fun. Inspires me to have fun with what I have

    Reply
  • Sahaar Tukhi

    Oh I just realized you are left handed

    Reply
  • D.N.A Drawing . Noob . Alien

    I'm not crying,
    You are

    Reply
  • Sto ry

    If you ever feel this way again make a video tell us we understand if you need a break from YouTube to reset yourself

    Reply
  • Kirstie Clay

    Your video and art are stunning but I I don't really think that the title matches the vid I hope that doesn't affend u

    Reply
  • Kira 5

    Woah it’s beautiful

    Reply
  • Hi Hi

    I’m really really really really not trying to be mean but I’m 12 and I can draw a little bit better than that I’m so confused????

    Reply
  • Mee Missh

    Someone make an animation of this?

    Reply
  • im just a person D:

    rae just keep going with your passion, its good that you didn't just give up

    so just keep painting and drawing, and just art

    Reply
  • Jimin.Is.An. Angel

    Do what u love and don’t listen to what other ppl say just do what u love and love yourself?????

    Reply
  • Jenna Welch

    I saw g dragon and i had to watch

    Reply
  • Gustavo guajardo

    Dose the guy shes Drawing only only have one channel

    Reply
  • Mynt _

    ❤️you do you Rae that’s what we wanna see do what you wanna do in life and we will just sit back and watch. Everything you do is perfect because you took the time to do it in the first place.❤️

    Reply
  • Amy Lagendijk

    Your so gooodd! I want to be that good as u!

    i follow u 3 days and ur my FAVO YOUTUBER RIGHT NOWWW!

    I LOVE UU! ?❤️?

    Reply
  • Ruth Brewer

    This video literally made me cry

    Reply
  • Hilma Assarson

    The painting reminds me of Alan from hangover?

    Reply
  • Joanne Rafter

    I am new to your channel and really starting out in art never did it in school and regret that as i thought that you had to be good at art to do art but i love love love your channel and completed my first sketch/watercolour and you inspired me to do that (also posted it on insta and tagged you as my inspiration) looking forward to learning so much more from you xxxxxx lots of love from Ireland

    Reply
  • Zayalla Fantasy

    For you : ????you're doing the right thing ! ????

    Reply
  • Amanda King

    you say that your getting worse i think you are a great artis and i am actuly getting wourse

    Reply
  • Hanako Ayumi

    Creative block sucks

    Reply
  • itz_ Sanna

    Dont worry Rae, true fans will always be with you 🙂

    Reply
  • Trinity Salas

    Kindof annoyed how u say ur art became bad and it hurts my feelings when people have such AMAZING art and they just say o it looks bad

    Reply
  • Toyah Brent

    Girl you do yoi

    Reply
  • themincraft girl

    this vid is way more emotional than i thought

    Reply
  • Pepper cola Hillyo

    I think your doing good ? ❤️

    Reply
  • Narzekamy

    I stopped drawing for summer.
    I started drawing again week ago and now – i feel like i lost all pepgress, i feel like i lack every thing i owned back than, im not as good as i was back than.

    Reply
  • claws catastrophe

    omg this is so heart felt, just make sure you keep doing what you love

    Reply
  • Gta 500

    I like that one video where you went off on one of those monthly art box subscriptions

    Reply
  • DES wolfie

    Please don't be like me when always think that my arts are terrible and the others was saying that it was awesome and I didn't believe them your arts are awesome and don't let your stress take over control just sit back and relax I- no.. WE are here for you

    AND don't let me say more except that you got "BaD" at drawing (not) just because of the challenges you do
    (I know I am late)

    Reply
  • icecrevm

    clickbait bc ur drawing a masterpiece

    Reply
  • Sam_OMG -Samantha

    No rae your not that bad
    Your the best person I know?
    You are a good talented? person I know?we love? just the way you are btw be your self don't change??

    Reply
  • You_Local_ Weirdos_UwU

    The 2017 part of the thumbnail reminds me of shorter from banana fish

    Reply
  • Zelda Moblin

    Thx for the tip I’m trying to start a YouTube channel it is hard and stressful

    Reply
  • yheet

    well the "bad" art in the thumbnail is "bad" its bc u drew it with some fricking long nails (still bomb btw)

    Reply
  • Kawaii_Potato

    YOU STARTED MAKING VIDEOS WHEN I WAS BORN

    Reply
  • intellejent artandmagic

    Word ?

    Reply
  • ᄒ-ᄒTaeSHOOK

    Ok but is that g dagon?

    Reply
  • Cassi Wright1

    WAIT! that was your eye tutorial?? That was the video that made me fall in love with art, if you had never made that video I wouldn't have any of the talent that I have now and wouldn't be the same person. You have no idea how much you've changed my life!

    Reply
  • Raiini差

    Da fuq!? Your art is bootifull! >:V

    Reply
  • BFFGaming

    I have been uploading every day for about a year and I have 35 subscribers

    Subscribe to SuperRaeDizzle!

    Reply
  • intel386DX

    fantastic colors ,but many mistakes in the anatomy

    Reply
  • Minty Slurpz

    The Tilte: Why I got so bad at art.
    A masterpiece in the background.
    Me: You didn't get bad at art.
    My thoughts: I Feel like a joke to you I can barely draw a circle & A straight line?

    Reply
  • E Dawn

    I only watch this bc I saw gd drawing

    Reply
  • 4vr1L X

    Well I’m very bad at art except for drawing

    Reply
  • IQ ReggeShark

    You’re gonna make me cry too omg ?

    Reply
  • Orly Freifeld

    U never have too feel like your not good enough, your true subs will always be behind your back

    Reply
  • Elena Jacob

    Rae you are a light in a dark world

    Reply

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